EP16: Parent Life, World’s Youngest Podcast Guest and Girls Going For Bottomless Brunch

Spreading Rumours Podcast by Kristen Hanby Episode 16. 

Youtube: @spreadingrumourspodcast
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Transcript

Transcript:
(00:00) yo what's good everybody welcome back to  a brand new episode of spreading rumors   so obviously on last week's we had hers at 11  Briny they've quit as well so now I am literally   Jasmine at the flyback she landed about half an  hour ago he made me to come and back me up at   the Pod and we actually also joined it done as  you can see it right now because she's asleep   Emmy the world's youngest person  on a podcast you're gonna say hello when she wakes up we'll um let us speak and  just do whatever but yes today's podcast is  
(00:34) gonna be me and Jasmine you know what I'm  saying she demanded like how much did you   want an hour a couple thousand pounds  an hour I have to be on this I'm not   allowed to swear today so it's gonna  be called the world's worst pod okay   so I'm gonna just interrogate Jasmine and  just ask about parent life okay if you had to   compare how you are as a mum versus your mum how  would you compare it that's a hard one like like   do you know obviously the way um like how she  brought you up compared to how you bring Emmy up
(01:16) so like when I I don't know   so what you're trying to basically say  is she'll she'll try to give me advice on   things that she's done with me but I know that  I'm like no no that's not right it's not right   but you kind of do you tell her straight or yeah  of course I do so you tell like [ __ ] off mum oh see no swearing okay literally how many seconds in   oh yeah so every time I swear okay oh this is a  deal this oh goodness I'll announce the winner   now actually so every podcast we're giving  away a hoodie okay to one person last week's  
(01:52) she hit us up this week the winner of the  Pod the hoodie is called Debbie Mackin okay   and if you want to win the hoodie this week and  we announce you next week you have to comment how   many times I swear on this podcast okay and we're  gonna go through we're gonna count as many times   we're doing whoever's right the first person  I see that's right gets the hoodie there's not   enough numbers okay so no swearing from me you're  not sway either I don't swear anywhere see okay  
(02:16) that's the deal okay back to you as a mum so  yeah so basically you're telling you me your   mom gives you [ __ ] advice you have to politely  say no thank you Mom and you just carry on with   your way yeah but only like little things like  janaka dummy the string yeah yeah I'll put it on   her for bad then my mom's like no no you can't  do that you can't be doing that and I'm like it's just little stupid things because even like  when I was growing up and I see parents their  
(02:44) parents are well strict like they for I swear  again no you didn't swear I said half that counts   as a square okay if you're counting yeah do you  know what parents are really strict and they're   like no you're not doing this or they shout  at them or they don't I don't know like she's   only what like five months old nearly she [ __ ]  when was she last week it was the last last night   week yeah because it's the first today so it would  have been a week tomorrow what yesterday what four  
(03:10) months five months she's not five months on the 20  because she wasn't four months in a week ago yeah   oh and it was the week before because the weeks  and the months don't add up yeah yeah okay ignore   that but you know when you see parents and they're  just so strict and just like out of order I can't   I don't like that so literally she's gonna get  away every single time she cries she's gonna get   away with murder every time she wants something  you get to have whatever you want okay baby  
(03:37) she's so cute so yeah so yeah comment on your  comment on this podcast your thoughts of how   parents should treat their kids like what level  of strictness should they have should they let   them just like if she cries we're like no no no  don't cry you know what I'm saying yeah so like   even like the way like um my brother is of his kid  he's a lot stricter than we are so yeah comment   on this pod what you think how parents should be  I've got a question for you go ahead so before we  
(04:02) had Emmy yeah how do you feel how do you feel like  you're finding Parenthood now to what you thought   it was like before you had a child I know I've  always wanted people I've always thought like that   is something when it comes like when something  comes along with life I just go with it you know   what I'm saying I always seem to do things but I  knew it was going to be like lit and easy because   like the life I kind of have yeah so it's not  actually hard and obviously when she wakes up  
(04:27) in the night time I don't wake up at all Jasmine  wakes up like three or four times and I literally   I wake up fresh every morning yeah but sometimes  you'll I'll wake up and the other time this one   time about two weeks ago you got out of bed and  he was like just give me a real feed and I'm like   with what what are you gonna feed her with  it's more of the fact that like the what's   the word it's more the fact I've made I've offered  something knowing that she's gonna say no yeah but  
(04:56) then when I walk up the next morning and I told  you you was like did I so you don't remember that   you're doing it yeah but it's just the way it goes  you know what I'm saying I kind of just have to oh   wait no he actually had her through the night  the other night also baby yeah yeah it's easy   literally I woke up Jasmine came back drunk that request thing going to bring up actually  in a minute but yeah so Jasmine came back   drunk we didn't allow her to sleep in the  bedroom she had to sleep in the spare room  
(05:22) literally I could just hear her [Music] you know  what I'm saying it was a mix between her throwing   up and her being horny no no there's nothing  I'm just it's telling about the experience   she's literally banging on the door she's like  a zombie in a movement literally it was out on   the bedroom door I literally had to lock the  bedroom door I said go in the spare room now   really no it wasn't that bad but yeah I don't  remember coming home what this question I was  
(05:50) gonna go on to kind of rolled into it do you know  girls is it called bottomless lunch bottomless   brunch where they go for literally they go out for  lunch with all their girls and like the daytime   and literally when they get home they're just  zombies and just literally think they're porn   stars and you know what I'm saying I think it's  deer drinking I think that's what does it to us   it's become monsters yeah like day drinking for  females turns them into zombies especially when  
(06:14) you're a mum as well when you don't drink that  often she was buffing literally I came I guess   I came out she had Kebab all right I was like  what's that around your mouth I thought it was   sick she could bab all around her mouth and then I  went and then then she went to the washing machine   um because she wore my t-shirt out and um she  literally she I came what are you doing but   she ignored me like I wasn't there I said what  are you doing but I can see shed like the steam  
(06:43) room because I didn't want to tell you I'd ruined  yourself and then what even happened did it did   you ruin it yeah it won't come out so I'm just  gonna keep it make it into a crop top yeah that   should be do you know we should actually start  a [ __ ] oh no this way I would another swear   word we should start a TV series or like a they're  not really cool it'll be called bottomless lunch   it's like a challenge where you're sending females  out and they go get drunk for the day and I don't  
(07:11) know don't know that's like I don't have the  whole concept I've just literally thought up   now but let's let's go be a sick Alex if you're  watching this we elaborate on that okay lad   so yeah almost brunches are well good yeah yeah  but it says what how females act yeah I'm saying   you could probably like some make some mad little  show of that oh yeah definitely comment if you've   got any experiences bottomless lunch and if  you're a bloke come on and see them because  
(07:32) they're like fiends Demento boneless punches  no we just go to the pub for as long as we can   to get away from the females yeah true whereas  girls they go out get lunch and they come back   because they're little [ __ ] ah scratching  at the door let me in I've got no panties on [Laughter] baby foreign the podcast today we thought we'd make it a  bit more parenting Vibe talk about experiences   bit my PG a bit more PG oven from the swearing  I've been sworn four times hey baby you're weak  
(08:17) oh I see they went she's awake  hey hi hey oh come here baby   okay she doesn't know where she is one minute  she was in Leeds now she's back in Jersey hey baby you have a nice nap what's that   what's that hi can I miss my girl see if you  listen to Spotify she's woken up hey baby oh what's the matter she's thinking this is the  [ __ ] this is everybody but it's his dad life hey   you want to say hello hey hey look at  you go baby this is where his baby voice   comes out yeah literally hello baby she's  actually learned to start rolling hasn't she  
(09:11) hey hi can you say hi where are you at where  are you at baby do you want to go to Mummy she didn't know what she wanted that way I can still ask questions because when  when she's on me I forget about everything in   life and just her oh do you know what I love  her toes obviously said some toast I thought   you said toast a little toast hey hello look  at little toys oh she's got glitter on them   see if you're watching this is Emmy have you got  anything to say you say hi I'm pretty sure if we  
(09:52) Google it should probably be the the youngest  person to ever go on a pod yeah hey baby hey   hey oh look how cute she is so she came out of um  Jasmine and her head was literally you couldn't   see it she had that much hair and now she's lost  it she looks like an old man she's literally bald   you look like an old man don't you baby what's  she doing I can't see her face she's just staring   boo boo no she's cute so yeah back to some  um experiences you went through then jazz  
(10:26) what was the experience of breastfeeding oh my  God that was the when I first started that was   the most painful thing I've ever experienced  in my life oh my god when you're in that a   bit of the hostel bed with the big wife  my God because she wouldn't latch on at   first and then it just felt like it was just  going to be impossible and I nearly gave up   and how long was it every time she was feeding the  faces that I was pulling oh let's see if you're   watching if you're listening to Spotify okay her  face how can what's something similar to that face  
(10:57) I don't even know but just pitch your eyes above  clothes and your mouth as wide as possible why   is you're like gasping for air oh I felt like  I needed to like bite on my hand every time   she latched on because it the pain and now it's  just like a [ __ ] yeah it was weird throwing   her mouth and she you don't even have to be awake  literally floppy sock yeah you just toss it and   then she just finds her mouth on it it's just  like that's the best way to describe it to be  
(11:24) fair big s a big what did I say a sloppy sock a  big sloppy sock hey baby you're so beautiful hey   look at her she's like a little orangutan when  she's old enough to um when she's old enough   to actually speak and stuff I'm gonna start a  separate pod and Jasmine is not invited because   I guess if Emmy's like one years old or like 18  months or however long it is she won't be able   to quit like everyone else we had Johnny we lost  we had Scott we lost him we had Natalie she said  
(11:57) it was a bad pod Brian's left lives left my Nan's  left my mom it's literally just me Jazz just came   out for sympathy and extra money and you baby hey  you weren't asking for money you're gonna say hi   to everyone you're gonna say hello she's just  staring at you you're gonna say hello baby oh it's crazy because like literally you know  like how like she is do you know before you   have a kid do you know like you think you  like love people and you think you like
(12:31) do you think you'd like love people and  think you like um have like I don't know   enough words you've never known love like  it until you have a baby like let's see if   um someone said to me I have a gun and I've got  to shoot every single family member in the head or   I've got a flicker make her cry I'd shoot everyone  in my family they say head bang bang hey baby   hey hey what are you doing I've got  another question for you guys hit me   a bit when's baby number two well I'm  gonna be honest with you okay because  
(13:06) I've been thinking when she's about four  years old I'm gonna find another female   that looks nothing like you so I have so it's like  next thing I'm saying so comment if you're like   if you're Ting and you want to have a baby in  like four years I'm thinking maybe like just a   totally different baby you're gonna have a heart  problem with this stuff do you have half my sister   shut up I don't get how people like this  is like like no disrespectful of video but  
(13:35) you know people have a baby and within the  first like six months they've got another   one like on the way sometimes they they  obviously can't help it though sometimes   it just happens yeah I just couldn't I  just couldn't imagine that because like   and I know like I could say in a way like I've  kind of got it easy how like it is oh my God I've   seen this thing I think it might have been on Tick  Tock some woman was pregnant with twins she had   she gave birth six months later she got pregnant  again with another set of twins that's crazy  
(14:03) that's crazy and it was fun how crazy was  experience when she came too a hospital what are you looking at what are you looking  at what are you looking at she's smiling I   remember when she first came because when  we got to hospital it was just nuts oh my   god well not for me really because I was just  doing laughing gas yeah having a [ __ ] crap   cover your is another swear word yeah it was  crazy the whole Hospital experience yeah I was   having trying to have pain relief none of the pain  relief was working then we had to have it what's  
(14:39) it called epidural where they stick and needle in  your back didn't work didn't work well no it only   works on one side of my body so then how I think  I was in labor for like 32 hours something like   that and then there was like he was just staring  at me then we needed to go for a C-section and   then that pain relief didn't work yeah and then I  had to get put to sleep and then I remember like   so when they were about to do it I remember they  made me sit in the corridor and on my mind crying  
(15:06) and then people ask me you're right but I was  like I'm so good I missed it because I've never   the only time I've seen you cry is when we told  you family about they was having a baby hey yeah   yeah and then obviously when we went back to  the room I was waiting on this room and I was   wait in this room I'm over like 20 minutes sat  there and then she came in and then literally   she was there and I was like for five minutes I  was crying the Midwife had to hug me like you're  
(15:31) fine and then I picked her up and then like she  must have done this like this big stinky poo on   my let's see it was like tar it was sat on my  arm but I knew she'd done it but I didn't want   to let her go so it's like I'm saying 45  minutes until the Midwife came in and like   said don't take her off and it was  literally stuck to me like concrete did you   it was the it was the mad it was like black  yeah that's what it's like the face baby's   first poo when they'll come out the womb is  like tar it was nuts black and she just kept  
(16:01) looking at me like she's doing this look and I  don't even know what it was but it was just like   who the are you yes I literally blurred out  my swear word there yes did you poop on Daddy   this part's so different than the last ones  most pods we do we're drinking alcohol we're   talking this mad stuff but today today we're  not allowed to say a swear word around you away   we're not allowed to say a swear word  she's being good she's been really good   you've been a good girl do you want to talk  you want to say hi you gonna say something
(16:40) she looks so scared what is it are you gonna  give me credit now Emmy Blue who came up with   that name you I came up with your name what names  did you want to call now what was your options   did I I don't think you just had bad options did I  pick one for a girl I don't think I picked one for   the boy's name if he was gonna have a boy what was  it again but what if we have a boy well it's not   gonna be of you who's gonna be with some other  thing I love that word because it makes me like  
(17:07) knows I'm joking well we're paying what was your  name gonna be again I can think for a girl boy   can I say it yeah but what if we have  a boy what's the name Hala Harlow me so when we were um deciding Emmy's name like  I wanted it to be unique not unique but like   different yeah I'm saying because I don't know  an Emmy no tell them how we did it my nose is   really sore because you said you said to me right  well go on Google and we'll go on this like page   where it's like baby names beginning with a baby  games beginning with BC and you said if we pick  
(17:49) out the same name from the list it's fair it's  like we've got to call us baby that name yeah   and then when we was reading out the names  we got to E I didn't pick Emmy but you was   like I really like this name it's really cute  it's Emmy and at first I was like not too sure   and then after but then we're going to call her  Harley as well yeah spell h-a-r-l-e-i-g-h but   then it got close and we were like nah yeah  I think we was only gonna call her Harley   because we couldn't think of anything else that  we liked and then literally what I was doing as  
(18:21) well so before this when we're doing this I went  on Google and I was searching things like exotic   fruit names like all this random [ __ ] because  I was trying to think of a sick name that like no   one's had but I literally don't know in any blue  no I don't know an Emmy Blue I don't know an Emmy   if you're called Emmy comment on this  video and I'll send you a present   yeah I'm saying everyone's just going to change  the YouTube names to Emmy yeah that'd be sick I'll  
(18:46) put on Tick Tock and then they're gonna I'm gonna  have like thousands of Emmys hey baby my nose   by the way has gone so itchy and like Alex can't  hide all these angles of the camera doesn't talk   while I do this so it's on you now just zoom in it  and picking his nose now because I get bad [ __ ]   okay I get bad hay fever hey get him off okay  you're gonna give me a rating okay Jasmine is   going to give me a rating now out of 10. of how  I am as a dad and what I can improve on and what  
(19:19) I can't improve on okay I'll be honest no I'll  give you a 10 out of 10 because you're a really   good dad the only thing that you can improve on  is the nappy changes oh I was doing I was doing   lit and then you just decide you always just go in  and do them no no no you need you need more I was   gonna wear a nappy today so she felt comfortable  and maybe bottle feeding as well [ __ ] saggies all these swears she every time she's hungry  just pull your big sock out and slap it on the  
(19:52) you slap on the sofa and she hmm that have  been silly no but now now I'm starting to I know I need a boob job after breastfeeding  because they're big like I bet the thing is not   as mad as it sounds like before you have a baby  in that like boobs like I don't even think they   can be like I don't think you can like look at  them in a sexual way now because they're milking   their her food which I'm saying so like there's  no way you could like it's weird I don't know how  
(20:24) to explain it but do you know what I'm trying to  say yeah but that's her food now that's hers yeah   you can't like sexualize that anyway you know  because like disrespecting her she's full of   glitter so am I you wanna go back to Daddy yes I'm  excited to see the review on this pod the review   come here baby hey hello are you with me now so  yeah now it's my rating on you okay so you said   I'm 10 out of 10 but you said I oh what's that  what's up baby so yeah Jasmine's rating now I'm  
(21:00) gonna give you uh FIFA I'll give you 10 out of 10  being a mom um what can you improve on um let's   say I'm talking back to me making me more dinners  uh still not getting massages in the morning   so there's a lot you can improve on there's mum  yeah Mummy needs to sort it out you're trying   to grab it so cute because she's going to watch us  back in years to come and think that was me so how   was on the world's crapest podcast I like how you  use that word there but you better hope my auntie  
(21:32) doesn't hear that because my auntie's second  name is crap and every time you say the word   crap around her she doesn't like it oh I can't  see this I can't say the first name you know you don't know I'll tell you after I can't see  the first name because then she'll be around   there on smoke are you touching the mic baby okay  what's your proudest moment and favorite moment   with Emmy so far this moment is a rolling over  a rolling over yeah she's starting to roll over  
(22:01) now yeah you're a big girl oh yeah so she's  literally it's an actual proudest moment yeah   okay what's my proudest moment is my hand  I don't know my parents went over there is   when she does big fat poos a favorite  moment with her I'm not sure you know I can't think you're a bad dad now because there's  like multiple things like my favorite like even   like when you know when you become actually  proper Giggles yeah I love that I love when   she just Falls there's loads of things maybe  I can't wait until she like can start walking  
(22:45) oh she's is this weird as well like literally  every time I'm holding it I just keep doing   it yeah we must kiss her about a thousand  times a day he's trying to grab the mic and   she's getting mad now do you think she gets mad  with how many times we kiss her because imagine   someone doing that to you 10 million times a day  look I said she thinks she's getting teeth soon   this is literally just like us talking about  her and she can't understand her a little um it's crazy like she's been gone now how long have  you gone like a week just over a week it's weird  
(23:22) like I literally get like when she leaves I feel  like I get depressed it's mad it's like this voids   is gone and then literally this morning when I  woke up do you know when you get up and you just   can't be able to get a bed and then you FaceTime  me and showed me her and I was like this yeah   is what about me did you miss me I'll be honest  no I miss her she's the only person I ever Miss   remember that time I went away years ago and  you messed me did you miss me and I went no  
(23:44) and you were like what remember you got really  upset about it yeah because who doesn't like who   didn't miss a girlfriend like what did you  just say ing did she just say a swear word what was that word you said before girlfriend  what does that what does that mean sure I'm still waiting for a ring if you win they win should Daddy get mommy a ring so I sing to her  so I sing I say so every night when I'm trying   to get to sleep I rock them arms I sing to her  and I'd make it up every different night you are  
(24:28) my sunshine my only sunshine you made me happy  where's guys are great the other thing I like   about you is as well like if she's crying  and I'm just like passed it and tired I'll   give it to you and she falls asleep within  three minutes that's good you're the best   it's crazy a whole different side comes at me when  I'm holding her yeah like if I was if you weren't   here on the Pod now and it was like Natalie and  Scott and we're drinking I'll be saying [ __ ] red  
(24:57) I didn't swear then yeah I'd be saying like  Reckless though but that's because like this   is what you do to me baby you make me like the  most chilled out person ever we went for a stage   as well where we were smelling eons yeah they  smelled me like yogurt little yogurt I wonder   if anyone else does that smells of baby John's  yeah you're gonna show how strong your legs are   mm-hmm chunky legs Alex Ado clipped to  this video of her rolling over because   we want everyone to see okay is he  allowed to put in the video baby  
(25:31) is he allowed to put in the video I put it in the  video yep did you get lots of money you see Mommy   oh okay she's getting a bit  Restless she's getting mad you I actually enjoy it because I feel no pressure  like prior to this pod as well like I said it   takes me ages to like literally takes me  ages to literally prepare for them because   I gotta like write subjects for this  part it was just literally just turn up okay do people get to just see what  we're like for half an hour oh my  
(26:08) baby hey little baby I want to eat these  tours you okay this is something about   baby you're gonna say anything on the  pod you're gonna say your first word she looks like a little orangutan no she looks   like a bold old man oh oh  she didn't like that okay   she's getting rested but how good has she been  she's been really good do you want to say anything okay oh baby you're okay I know the  podcast is that bad but don't cry they got a little time she started to stick  her tongue out [Laughter] excuse me girl again
(26:56) what's she doing what are you  doing are you being a cheeky girl ha boo yeah you look like Dennis the Menace I  took a swim in the other day yeah so you took   my swimming now twice without me I picture  this I've never hang on a minute hang on a   minute just stop there just stop there how many  times did I ask you to like stick a swimming   I've never seen her swim in Jasmine's taking her  twice now how many times have I asked you twice   twice thinking about me just shut up so yeah this is Emmy are you  gonna tell him to follow the pod  
(27:41) oh Colin if you want to see more about me come  on if you want to see more on this pod no come   here because she's the only person that can't quit  she's the only person that can't refuse to turn up   she doesn't even know who she is right now oh this is so funny so who did I say won the um  eat in a hand I'm just gonna double check again   who did I say won the hoodie so yeah so uh where's  it where's the ladies on so yeah remember if your   name is Debbie Mackin she said she loves a plot  and she'd love a hoodie go on to Instagram message  
(28:16) spreading rumors pod selling your tell them your  size your dress and we'll get one sent out to you   okay and remember to comment on this pod how many  times did I swear and that's the way you can end   it to win the hoodie next time next week yeah I've  just realized I've dressed up from inside out back   to front what do you mean that was supposed to be  at the front where's Mommy done to you she's got   it on the wrong way around oh I know you know  mommy's mommy's not that ugly she wants booby  
(28:45) okay well this pod was literally last minute  because of them just I'll let you all know no   one's really quit the Pod yeah I'm saying Scott  has left the Pod but like Natalie everyone else   no one's really quit the Pod I just like to bring  myself down on everything I do like saying how   bad this podcast is comment if you because this  makes it then there's no expectation if I'm like   oh this pod's the best it's like no it's not when  your podcast is [ __ ] but if I say my podcast is  
(29:12) [ __ ] it means that like people can't slate it  yeah yeah I'm upset reading the comments yeah   but I think Alex has bought fake comments comment  this is not a fake comment if you've commented on   this pod literally yeah Jasmine got for the door  15 minutes ago that's why she looks like [ __ ]   um Emmy doesn't know Emmy looks beautiful  as always so you can go maybe have a shower   now put your makeup on or whatnot so yeah I think  she's having a poo do it poo going poo poo poo poo
(29:41) are you gonna say bye bye to everyone you gonna say bye yo drop a comment what do you think of this  pod it's a bit different no alcohol involved   no bad language no me what's the word this me  no there's no diss that's what I'm thinking of   no discs but yeah this is basically me not being  crude comment if you want Emmy to be a regular   um host on the podcast we need Natalie and that  was on oh yeah next week we'll do me Jazz and   Natalie and um Atlas and hopefully Jasmine put  some makeup on and maybe like put some set a tape  
(30:24) on her chin cool we love you all say bye-bye  am I joking to accept my apology get lost go   friend but like girl friend there's like a  space there's like a space between the words   it needs to be wife next WoW her toenails  along and they're scratching me oh my God   should I tell them what you've done the other  day no I'm not going out today because I   don't want you getting there oh no no no  that wasn't me no I'm not gonna tell you   I I love you thanks for watching this episode if  I've spent more with them like thank you thank you  
(31:08) for listening drop a comment give us some feedback  and yeah we're gonna do be doing like maybe two or   three more episodes and then we're gonna actually  get a new set built this was just a test STAR   we hit 10K on YouTube which is kind of cool 10  000 People Like Us hopefully Alex didn't buy 10   000 subs and buys all the views yay I love you and  we'll see you next week it's I think we're going   to have us free Atlas Atlas Lexi and Natalie yeah  yeah yeah cool we'll see you all next week [Music]
(31:38) thank you