EP12: 100 Orgasms a Day, Sending Your Best Friend to Prison and Baby Voices!!

Spreading Rumours Podcast by Kristen Hanby Episode 12.

Spreading Rumours Podcast is back with episode 12, and this time our hosts Kristen, Jasmine, Natalie, and Bryony are bringing the comedy heat! Get ready to be entertained as they tackle some wild topics, from a woman claiming to have 100 orgasms a day to sending your best friend to prison. But the laughs don't stop there - they also dive into the cringy world of baby voices, share their most embarrassing stories, and discuss their dream jobs. So if you're ready for some laughs, tune in to Spreading Rumours Podcast episode 12. These four hilarious hosts will have you chuckling from beginning to end!

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Transcript

Transcript:
(00:00) yo what's good everybody welcome back to a brand  new episode of spreading rumors the world's   shittest podcast on the internet today we have  Jasmine Briny and Ali and we're going to start   this um podcast with some shots because I had  I must have eaten my body weight in croissants   before this and I'm sat here like this why did  you eat them four shits in the last 20 minutes   why did you eat them I thought you got rid of all  your chocolate out of your cupboard yeah no but I  
(00:25) went to the shop last night and they were there  and I've just put them in the oven so yeah we're   using ones nah just say so Brian pass it down to  Natalie yes I've not even eaten this morning no   you have you're eating this big fat [ __ ] last  night before bed all I've had is a coffee all   I've had is some pomegranate actually how funny  last night it's obviously me and Jasmine going to   the bathroom oh you cheating a little bit less  for me thank you you always spill stuff on me  
(00:54) so yeah no one needs to know this story this  is last night I've been we're like bathrooms   in the bathroom and halfway for it [Music]  to brush your teeth do whatever run back for me got back into bed just I thought cool   was going to sleep now I'm guessing  and then she went to the sleep yeah so you did you have kind of  eaten in the last 12 hours oh so you've not eaten any food I've just thought  I'd call you out to men count dick as food I'm   sorry but like every time I go oh I'm hungry  Ruben's not you can come and Munch on my dick  
(01:37) mate that's not going to fill me up I am  hungry well it depends how big the load   is that it spits out no I'm hungry got food  cheers anyway to my croissants I feel [ __ ] [Applause] I know I didn't even finish it get that down that  one burnt for some reason she likes cigarettes   oh Goosebumps cigarettes why do I say it like that stick around no  that did taste of it get it down I can't   you have to I can't come on come on you can  get down here I've lost my taste buds I can't
(02:27) [Laughter] [Music] [Music] yeah it's minion that was such a good show from Briney I'll give  you that so yeah before this I was [ __ ] smashing   my croissants okay I said I'd have two three  and then seven four and then I had a fifth so   that's why I've been [ __ ] like a [ __ ] what's  your go-to Foods in the morning I reckon you I  
(03:35) know yours will be McDonald's you [ __ ] oh you  hear McDonald's breakfast no that's [ __ ] vile   I'm just covering I gotta admit my breakfast  is literally a coffee again soldiers you have to be in the right mood you've got  me like a healthy mind stay I feel like like   I'm trying to be in how versatile I smash this  cross all like cereal but I know if it meant if   I'm healthy it's just blueberries and robberies  if I'm being healthy my go-to breakfast would be  
(04:01) like avocado on toast with some poached eggs and  then some chili flakes Zippy eggs no [ __ ] now   it's cigarettes like oh my God it tastes rough I  can't get out of my [ __ ] mouth but have you been   seeing that guy on Tech talk at the moment okay  this guy he's come out actually being honest with   it he says he's come out and told people he puts  peanut butter on his dick for his dog to lick off there's nothing wrong with it my dog's eating I  get pleasure out of it and it's like mixture of  
(04:32) like Madness that's [ __ ] disgusting  that's [ __ ] weird what would you do   if you're going upstairs now there's just a  dick shaped out of my peanut butter I'd leave   I'd walk out and I'd never ever come  here again is that why Jesse was in here but yeah I [ __ ] him what'd you do a [ __ ] new  fan movement with peanut butter over his [ __ ]   I'm done but we don't have a dog yeah but you  don't have to you can just call a strange dog   [ __ ] cat from the garden like come here  [ __ ] cat I take this guy didn't have a  
(05:02) girlfriend can't have but knows he just might be  into bestiality oh what do you know if you found   um peanut butter and Ollie's [ __ ] oh no  instant no what are you saying I wouldn't   say anything I would I mean if he put it  on is corkin said like you can have it then   that's it right oh no you've walked in you've  caught him with pants down just peanut butter   and he's like get the [ __ ] out of here dog's  dick licking it get out of here [ __ ] get out   of here my mouth would never ever go around that  dick ever again it's [ __ ] nuts out do you know  
(05:34) what else confuse me okay picture this okay do  you know when you see people with like massive   [ __ ] heads okay like no no no disrespect this  yeah I don't know if it's called something like   headism or but those okay so don't turn this to  offense again if you've got a fat head but like   is what's is there like a big void in that head or  is it like Johnson like say for example you have   a normal head yeah and there's someone actually  with a big fat head is that just like the brain  
(05:59) is still the same size is there like an air  pocket in that head that's just like a void because if everyone's got the same size brains  then if your head's bigger then you're gonna   have gaps in your head that's something you're  gonna have like around you're gonna have probably   voids around your head yeah it's everyone's  brain different sizes uh well Jazz it doesn't   have a brain yeah true yeah I did an IQ test the  other night with mum she beat me by two no I was  
(06:31) like so I scored night oh no maybe it was one I  scored by 97. I was like right you do it now so   what do you get I was like I'm not telling you  until you do it you [ __ ] dumbass but bearing   in mind I did the testing like I think it was  six seven minutes and she took at least 12 so   she I was actually thinking about her answers  whereas I wasn't so maybe see she's smart for   not rushing it yeah because if she would have  rushed it then she'd look stupid I reckon that   I got 97 she got 98. now they should look right  down the camera now and say I am a stupid [ __ ]  
(07:03) I'm a clever [ __ ] so next time we get mum on  here we're gonna I'm gonna plan out questions   and I'm gonna have a competition with you too it  was funny though yeah you should it was [ __ ]   funny how you how are you smart Brandy um maths  no you ain't I did not ask but like I feel like   you're just some little like I'm quite just a  school geek loser no no no clever like things   no I'm not clever not really got no comments now  without being rude we're talking about school here  
(07:31) yeah I know and also Common Sense comes into it  you don't know how to [ __ ] cook toast [ __ ]   I like dippy eggs Mommy makes it no she doesn't  yes she does because mom you are mum's favorite mum's [ __ ] up twice there and said Briny twice  what do you mean the other day when we were at   home you weren't there but she basically said we  were watching something on TV it was called who   were we running from and I said yeah the mum's  obsessed with the daughter and Nan turned around  
(08:08) and goes yeah it's like you've Atlas And I was  like no no this is on another level and then   Nan goes yeah but you would kill if somebody  hurt your kids wouldn't you I was like 100   and Mum goes yeah I mean I definitely would if  anyone touched bryony and then she stopped and   said nothing and I was like oh just bryony then I  was like there we go there's your [ __ ] favorite   and even now was like you've just said it she's  your favorite and she's like no you didn't let me  
(08:37) finish my sentence I was like mate you had stopped  talking for a good minute it's crazy though right   now and then she made her win yesterday in that  competition and she definitely was the shittiest   that she she was the shittiest she definitely  didn't win but I think I think mum [ __ ] up   the highest only because she gave me a like she  didn't know how to score when I went first so if   I would have gone second she would probably give  me a tape yeah maybe how am I think of that though  
(09:00) do you know like since you had any this little  Shield you have eh like it's like this little   like protective like I don't know I don't even  know how to explain it I know when I say tick   tocks of like polar bears I'm like literally  cry because I just think of who I like polar   babies oh she said poorly babies but she said  it Lisa oh sorry I thought you said baby polar   baby that's why I said whatever first because I  thought you said polar babies and I was thinking okay let's just give things clear quickly okay  let's just explain some words how you pronounce  
(09:40) them and how we pronounce them in English Okay  in English Okay we're not okay so you could say   some words how you say it in leads um yeah  I can't think it might be Lou no matter but   they're more like more like just that's your  example okay when we say I'm just going to the   shop they'll go just off to shop I'm off to  the shop after shot I'm just oh shocked okay whatever I want to think you've got loads of  how you pronounce it think because when I've  
(10:09) been to like very few times oh I fancy a bun how  just do you say bun what kind of bun I don't know   is it because it is it in red bun I don't know  do you call cupcakes but yeah buns yeah buns   what else because like wait it's funny when I  whenever your family around it's just like so   it's like because I can understand you but when  you're around them you just turn into it's like   a monkey's a zoo yeah but she's back home do I  mean she's back home with the morning my family  
(10:34) say it when I'm here I say I'm Posh really why do  they think your twang's going yeah do they yeah   my mom's always like why are you talking So Posh  really yeah because it's like it's just I can't   when they [ __ ] talk and I'm just like do you  ever seen that meeting with like question marks   coming out of someone's head okay well you know  you you're like that well imagine me like that   with Reuben's family when they're all talking  Portuguese I'm like cool you should just keep  
(10:58) saying me and Lexie just sat there like you okay  babe not know any nope nothing she's lazy then   why doesn't she love him she's not lazy Reuben  never taught her I remember teaching her like   animals yeah I think it is a little bit but  I'd love to learn a different place I would   love to do a lingo wrong I understand some  things in Portuguese but when they're like   flat out having a conversation yeah I'm gone  gone like the [ __ ] fart at my bum hole do   you notice who you're getting married soon okay  yeah what's Reuben doing is he doing a stag do
(11:42) oh no no that's what dirty dogs do they hate dogs  the dirty dogs that's the [ __ ] football team   you play for the day but now so like basically  people say it's your last free card to go out   and do it anymore oh go out but not like  do anything so yeah so comment on this   um right now okay if you think on your stag  dude no one is gonna comment on that saying   yeah I went and did [ __ ] Doogie on my [ __ ]  statue [ __ ] those mate you know you'll never   know unless the missus gave them like a free  apparently I've seen videos of girls on stages  
(12:37) getting caught out like [ __ ] there's a video  I don't even know if it was going around Twitter   it was some girl they're on a boat party and  it was like she was in the middle everyone   was dancing and like 10 guys just having to  go at her what yeah so it's like and she's   obviously there's another party he's seen and  didn't marry her I'm not surprised see that's   a bit different okay like 10 10 Deep that's  you mental yeah but that's crazy that's crazy
(13:00) being single that's they like to single  live so you go [ __ ] Ham on tongue and again off this okay getting off this  subject you know what I'm saying because   um they've got an opinion I've got an opinion  if you're allowed watching this you're going to   understand who do whatever if you're a female  going on a Hindu do whatever come to my house   come to my house for your Hindu yeah this year  aren't you yeah but I'm not who's uh Mike Craig all your mates are getting  [ __ ] married and [ __ ] and  
(13:59) what you doing mate [ __ ] just you [ __ ]  hosting the shittiest pod on the planet now   I'm saying that's what I'm doing okay this  is another question getting off stage doing   Hindus now you know what I'm saying because it  makes me want to go get naughty makes him horny you have to describe one food okay that you  would describe and the same level as having sex   what food you only can pick one so as soon as you  make your decision that's it one food you eat and   you're like [ __ ] me this is the greatest thing  on planet Earth I know mine what's yours okay mine  
(14:35) is okay I got one as well my telling you right  now a white Cream Egg I knew you were gonna say   that oh nice you don't mind if I eat them I  remember I went for a steak remember I used   to like went to the garage I bought like 40.  you bought the cardboard I had 17 white cream   eggs and one sitting one you've got issues mate  I know I've got mine what was yours tiramisu oh   it depends not like spongy wet alcohol with  a creamy velvety depends no it's so good she   knows mad as it sounds yeah the best Timbers who  I've ever had is mum's back in the day and she  
(15:11) forgot to [ __ ] make it hers is [ __ ] bang it  that's happened the thing is if you get away from   takeaways and it's kind of like oh no takeaways  no but there are certain shops oh I don't like   it when there's too much alcohol soggy and it's  just like gross and drips what's yours I don't   know what's yours mate I can smother myself from  tiramisu oh this [ __ ] and just be fair be fair   what do you know when it comes in the Box you've  got the little Rose you're like I'll have two oh  
(15:34) man you're like [ __ ] it free keep going yeah I  know it's in the fridge and come back for two more [ __ ] me why are you thinking about this mate  yours is a [ __ ] pickle pickles I love pickles   thanks I appreciate that pickles yeah her just  pickles yeah pickles I love pickles and then she   can also Stick Over cunnish pansies no I would  have eaten it already gobble gobble kick off he ate my pickles once and I knew once I killed  back from school that you had some notice the   jar was gone and then what's yours mine's boring  probably bangers and mash or mid mid meal grow up  
(16:29) it has to be onion gravy though I do love  them Josh she has on her pancake gravy isn't   it Yorkshire pudding that is weird that is so  nice never tried that while I bisto or yeah   not as well as my Fried Chicken and Waffles I  can't have anything else I can't have chocolate   strawberries It's gotta be gravy do you know  since you've not been pregnant anymore what do   you like with chocolate because you know when  you're prep you never really like chocolate   pregnant you were all over it what do you like  now I don't really have it do I no you're over  
(17:00) it again yeah no way I like white buttons that's  it that's mad Jasmine's a professional swimming   now I knew yours wouldn't be a dessert I knew  yours would be something Savory Michael Phelps   over here Michael Phelps who's that Tom  Daly no no he's like a professional swings I'm gonna have to get a swim cap because I'm  not getting my hair wet every single day oh my   God I'll throw [ __ ] at you yeah but she  can't [ __ ] be getting her hair tomorrow it might just don't look just don't look and  look out she's doing that butterfly go ahead  
(17:43) just pop it around a condom on I might even  get some goggles as well oh my god do it and   then get one of those because he's like short  shorts unitard nearly as worse is when Jasmine   started going to the gym back in the day she  used to wear gym gloves gym clubs you know the   gym no fingertips it was for the win are you so  you didn't get calluses yeah I met this moment   sometimes when you think of [ __ ] and I'm like  [ __ ] I used to think I used to feel bad but like   I couldn't [ __ ] know gloves man yes we do mixed  grip you walk down you'd literally because you'd  
(18:18) walk out the front door and walk down to  the gym because it was really car forward why don't I remember these gloves because it  was Pink as well I think I picked them that   hard that she like to stop wearing I think in  the worm twice after he brought twice too many   they were bad though man black and pink as  well do you know what she used to wear she   used to wear slip-on slazengers oh my God no I  didn't don't lie yeah but not for nine Millions   if you wear them it's okay I got a question  okay do you swear on him he's live that you  
(18:53) never used to wear slip on Slauson juice no yeah  yeah yes or no yes uh okay next question please   I love right how are you too right now will  always say right swear on Emmy's life because   now you just get total honesty the next time he  does something bad mate all you need to do is didn't deliver so when I did cheerleading  I had to wear these lozenges it was like I   would I had to wear them there was no there  was no option and he was sat in my bedroom   and he seen him he was like what the [ __ ]  is that I said multiple cars what are they  
(19:24) they're plimp Souls no they're just like  yeah a little bit they look like them I'm   going to show you after I don't know what  they are wait till you see them are they   ugly yeah are they worse than Crocs make the  ugliest shorts on Earth because about three quid there's a woman on the internet and she's allergic  to water what have you seen that no it's [ __ ]   mental she has to wear this outfit okay that  obviously like but she's not actually when she   goes out in public she's got a wear like she's  gotta take this backpack but she's got to take  
(20:02) certain things on her to control her body so she  can't sweat she's got to have this like built-in   umbrella into her backpack in case it rains  so when she washes yes she's a certain special   like some people have it harder there she she's  allergic to [ __ ] water so what does she do yeah   they didn't give that far into the video because  like everything you drink is normally got what   some type of yeah it'll be something everything's  like a um and if she's she's got something she has  
(20:27) to take as soon as her body starts reacting I only  got like 10 seconds in because I went to my notes   and put podcast 12 notes how does she wash it's a  special kind of like but yeah is out obviously if   it's sunny she's got to wear something special  so she doesn't sweat but she's also got to have   an umbrella 24 7 in case it rains it Barbados they  walk around with umbrellas in the summer how crazy   is that though it's probably hot that new being  allowed you to [ __ ] close yeah yeah I'm saying  
(20:55) to walk around naked literally you'd have to  [ __ ] you'd have to I don't even know what you'd   do it's crazy I don't even feel like even though  like I'm comfortable in my body now I still don't   generally think I'd want to walk around naked  like I think that's just desire nudist beaches   I couldn't but while how can you be allergic  to water I've seen people allergic to the Sun yeah what's that movie um where they can't  leave the house they've got to stay with all  
(21:25) their windows closed and [ __ ] oh um I've  watched it I can't remember the name okay I   got a question okay we're thinking about animals  yeah like like naming two animals zebra elephant   oh but now they're roughly the same size it's  gonna be like two totally different like giraffe   in a mouse what would win a fight a giraffe or a  mouse that was the size of giraffe Mouse nibbles   at the draft's neck I reckon I reckon a mouse  because they're [ __ ] [ __ ] what animal with  
(21:58) like they were all the same size would [ __ ]  be lit I asked them what would win yet gorilla gorilla for sure gorilla chickens are arms  and legs are down oh no gorilla for sure   what other ones I was thinking I was  trying to think of them yesterday for this   um I'm trying to think what One's Gonna Write down  but then I just didn't end up writing down snake   a snake and an eel no that's gonna be like  maybe like a lion or a snake-sized lion   but then I guess it is um the snake swallow  stuff whole and if it says there's a snake on  
(22:36) there because it's pretty swallow crocodile  a crocodile or a a hamster-sized crocodile   Coke it all snaps at it imagine what makes  me feel sick do you know them then Crocs the   Crocs or alligators which one more aggressive  one alligator I don't know the difference okay   Crocs of all like tame and they're scared I  think alligators yeah I think that's what I'm   saying so [ __ ] just stick their hands in  them and then what they do is they bite it   and they death roll yeah rip it off so that's  something if they say alligator or get you in  
(23:08) the water you're dead Okay grabs you and it  just rolls it rolls until it's around you there's a new thing like there's a new like do you  know you've got like um boxing that UFC there's a   new one I think it's called hcfl the human [ __ ]  fighting League what men they have sword fights   they say that's the thing they go they gotta get  hard ones I think they take them some sort of like   um and they fight they swam alive I thought you  meant the chickens that fights your hands are  
(23:51) tied behind your back and you've got a little  bit these [ __ ] things are getting weirder   and weirder that's because the test yeah yeah  I bought them zap contests were weird but that   [ __ ] just now there's [ __ ] I could picture  Reuben doing that the dick sword fight I'll   pay his entry him and Johnny would probably  do it now Johnny Johnny would say he would   burn close time his [ __ ] his pants like yeah  true but I reckon Reuben would yeah do it yeah   okay maybe you should ask him I was gonna say  you should bring him in and say can you enter  
(24:18) him into the Human cockfire League oh my God  no the answer's doing baby voice does he do   baby voice never never ever he's never done it  Brian he don't he's only ever done baby boys no   never no no literally surround my life what would  you do if he woke up that's [ __ ] disgusting no just please gag yeah it's disgusting do  baby before I dare you I think she's so   disgusting baby voice and she just made  that clear the big voice came I don't   mind it I wouldn't mind it was I'm trying to  think what don't normally saying baby voice  
(24:54) you see everything in bed you probably call  her mommy now baby daddy just wants his hair it's disgusting well I don't know what  you say um maybe can you tickle Daddy's   legs and Jazzy loves it I bet you  did it back then yeah she'll go oh   how about you you tell me [ __ ] [ __ ]  funny let's hear it there's baby boys nope I   don't know if people always want to have a shot do  it what would I say whatever you want Mommy wants   a cuddle no no I can't really watch cuddles  down daddy make me some toast see that's hey  
(25:36) I'm hungry see Daddy Mommy wants a cuddle say  Daddy Mommy wants a card please don't make me   do it go that or a shot it's up to you it's  giving us an hour or a short cigarette juice is it again what am I saying  um daddy Mommy wants a cuddle I can't look at the camera no face no case [Laughter] dad I don't know how to speak baby yo what   say it again say Daddy Mommy wants  to cuddle let's do it Barney do it [Music]
(26:39) oh I like it yeah I know he's gonna go  you're gonna go later and he's gonna go Mommy my [ __ ] hay fever man you're getting this  past this past that's the worst sometimes   it's actually worse when it passes like last  night did you know that having a sneeze is like   apparently a miniature orgasm yeah I've heard  that before it's actually true well you do it   about six times in a row that's why I [ __ ]  got spunkle in my pants every time don't do it   mate don't do it right because obviously last  night I was having to run to the toilet and  
(27:40) sneeze because I didn't want to wake Emmy  up I'd [ __ ] stick my face in the towel lives have changed I was literally running  on Sprints I don't want to wake her up and   it was like [ __ ] that's so funny [ __ ]  sake I'm so glad I don't have here fever   I can't believe I'm so [ __ ] I'm grateful  for having money that so I got that that's   my next question if I've got a check okay  listen it sounds so Hollow what's yellow oh no I want to try anything I did baby voice  what do you mean no I've got a question okay  
(28:25) so I've got to check an empty check for UK  Jasmine and a pen there's nothing to do with   me what is enough money for you to be like  okay I'm good you don't have to say [ __ ]   10 billion because and that's just obvious  then what would actually be enough money a million that's what I was gonna say  yeah probably a million that's exactly   what that would be enough money  for you just to buy a house but   then you're after that you're kind  of then you've got the money again  
(28:51) don't need a massive house no so I mean if you  had if I give a million that would be you for   life yeah I'd be happy with that is that enough  for life though you guys have a headset how much   do you want to be I would it would be enough to  buy me how much do you want to give me no yeah   how much you're offering I'm giving you [ __ ]  that's why marrying you I'm joking now because   they say once you get married they take half of  what you have not prenup but did you hear about  
(29:18) that football player well I think he's called  Hakimi he played for PSG so obviously he's [ __ ]   earning a lot of money and um his wife filed for  divorce and then she's oh Father and she's asked   for 50 of what he has so that it's come to it he  doesn't own anything his mom owns everything so   now he's I think I didn't know he's entitled  for 50 of her money because I think she was [Music] but I've said like if we was to ever get  married I'd just do it like so it wasn't  
(30:24) legal so we'd have like the wedding and  things like that but we wouldn't actually   Legalize It yeah yeah that makes sense I  said I'm happy with that yeah like so you   know when we get married in August we're not  actually legally getting married eh what no   not in Madeira you'll have to do it when you go oh  but you are getting married though yeah like like   the point what why don't you just go there have  the wedding day and come back and you're still   [ __ ] single so why can't we do that because  apparently it's a [ __ ] ball Lake to legally  
(30:53) get married in a country that you don't come from  well I mean why don't you have the day but then   you don't need you have to actually get married  because getting married do you want to be married why come back and go in a little office  and sign something that's all it is so   people couldn't even choose to do that  or they don't yeah but we're not getting   legally married in Madeira so why what I'm  saying is so why didn't you it's a show   why don't you put the show on how your  day you take your photos in your dress  
(31:18) and then you come back and you [ __ ] it but we  could if we wanted to I mean do green screens ever married no no say it's crazy that Brian  you can because she's like a [ __ ] she looks   like she's bought well she acts like she's  born the 1960s she actually does yeah I'm   saying like him I'm saying Briny yeah  you do not like this beverage is more   like you're that you've got more of  that like you want that normal life didn't even fit yeah back to thingy  like so you definitely when you get  
(32:14) back you're going straight to the registry  office well we're not going to go straight   there but I guess we'll eventually go down there  that's not even it so I didn't even know so like   yeah so you'll be coming back and you still have  the choice to like and I'll still technically be   single yeah mad like single single girls  ready to make a single Pringle where the   [ __ ] they even come from I guess like it's  just a single friends all ready to mingle   [ __ ] weird okay so what's she saying then that's  exactly what you said you want to do yeah you'll  
(32:46) Post online and buy people think you're married  yeah and then people come up to me and be like   oh yeah you're taking now and then I could just  change my name to Hanby anyway Yeah Yeah by Depot   yeah that's crazy so then you could do that like  she just said change your name to Depot she's a   Hamby like you you've had the ceremony party but  you're not technically married but you you're kind   of giving yourself to her without physically  doing it I've always said this to you though  
(33:13) that's what I've always said I always used to say  that as well I always said if I ever got married   I would be happy if the exact same Arrangement  change my name my D poll but then I got to the   point now where I've just been with Reuben for so  long now that I guess it doesn't actually make a   difference whether we do it legally or not yeah  it doesn't really matter what's so special about   the day is it just like I just want to get  married I just want to wear a white dress I  
(33:35) want to walk down here and you want the day to  be about you and yeah I want Emmy to walk down   in a little dress oh flower girl yeah that'd  be crazy how much he's gonna be to walk soon   walk soon but yeah yeah like what six months  no how old until she's about 12 30 minutes you can like but not six months no way that's  mad she could be walking by nine months but   realistically you're looking about 12 on average  how does it feel it's I'm gonna be our favorite   [ __ ] off anytime you see me and she looks at  you she laughed at me last night yeah that was  
(34:15) well [ __ ] cute and I got the videos to say thank  you very much thank you yeah and then I gave him   I gave her to him and she just won't do it I saw  because she had it for like 20 minutes in the air   and she was [ __ ] fed up she was going up and she  was there she was thinking [ __ ] put me down give   her to Kristen and then yeah let him get a little  bit Yeah hold this and Jazzy got it yeah Kristen's   [ __ ] jealous as [ __ ] over there whenever I've  gone but I'm like the only one as soon as she  
(34:45) cries if you give it to me because you can't even  get to sleep I've done that I've started taking   her outside walk around the garden she came in  last night and she was [ __ ] freezing freezing   but she was like laughing out there so it's like  she's enjoying it oh you know she seemed quite   chilled yesterday when you took her when she's  being a bit whiny you took her and she actually   said yeah your dad Whisperer mate I'm [ __ ]  yeah imagine you found out I can talk to her  
(35:09) that baby voice he does it all the time maybe of who Atlas I think she's saying booby though  isn't it she says what do you do if you had a   hundred orgasms a day I think you get [ __ ]  sick of it mate yeah because no cause it's a   condition yeah I know I've seen it this girl  she's got it sick today when she goes to the   dentist and they're doing her teeth she has a  10 in the chair that must be so embarrassing   I bet that's exhausting and that I reckon oh  mate imagine spunking halfway through a video  
(35:48) oh oh no that would be a horrible rocking do  you reckon you actually Jack and you'd enjoy   any of them no I really get to the point where  you just be [ __ ] and fed up as [ __ ] you want   to [ __ ] cut your [ __ ] oh I don't know I  think it'll be horrible I think it'd be lit imagine how that would have started imagine  she just one day starts getting like well   what's happened to me imagine being in  an interview like for a job employed taking on you know hey Chris would just be pulling  his pants down she just sits on a child day when  
(36:45) she's like it's time you'd pay her for her work  yeah said she'd sit there and then she can feel   like she's a special talent I mean you're making  her feel valued do you think Katrina differently   though I don't know I reckon you get to the  point where if you were having them that many   times a day you probably could like you probably  wouldn't even know she was yeah I mean you get   to the point where you just learn to like man  I'd imagine someone would smashing your hair  
(37:08) someone's telling you like a story like a really  sad one half of it like you've got to the Mad pile   that someone just died or you're a funeral she's  like oh oh stop you're like what the [ __ ] just   happened sorry it wasn't then he started telling  it again that would be brutal sorry [ __ ] crazy   though so last week Brian you didn't even hear it  to be fair so I'm gonna try write a movie concept   each pod oh yeah yeah I've got one okay I've read  over this like 20 times I've been changing things  
(37:39) so I'm hoping it comes out all right I feel like  it's gonna be [ __ ] now because the pressure's on   no the one last week last week yeah if you didn't  watch our pod last week which you probably didn't   because it was shy no I'm watching that [ __ ]  [ __ ] podcast you know what I'm saying besides   me and Alex Alex leaves it on repeat like 25 000  times so it gives 25 pounds of views okay anyway   an alien is sent to Earth to spy on us  learning to blend in act like a human  
(38:04) work like a human socialize like a human but  one thing that alien didn't prepare for was   falling in love with a woman that wanted  a kid but because he's in love and we'll   do anything for this woman they try their luck  at it and and indeed it happens she's pregnant   nine months of stress planning ways to talk  himself out of the situation when the day   comes and she realizes the baby is half alien  those nine months feeling like a hundred years   time moves so slowly as before he knew it the  secret would be out but the day finally comes  
(38:37) and guess what the baby is fully human no sign  of alien or anything of its presence or is it   what dark consequences lay ahead will the alien  stick around to find out what really happened   or will he flee and leave the newborn to find  its own way no he'll stick around me that's the   movie concept that's a good I like that one so  if you're watching like Netflix and that came   up and you were like okay would you see okay this  is what this is like yeah so although the alien   the the guy the alien yeah yeah and he comes down  falls in love so right ready to come down looking  
(39:08) like an alien or no he's not no yeah he comes  down and he learns the waves yeah but does he   look like him I said in the movie script if you've  probably zoned out halfway through so it might   not be the earlier an alien is sent to Earth to  spinos learning to blend in act like a human work   like human social all right so he does look like  a human yeah so you can't tell oh right then yeah   stick around it needs a plot more right right at  one to ten jazz says seven I was gonna say seven  
(39:35) I was gonna say seven yeah the one last week I  set my stand is too high last week yeah and that   one was like boom straight out of the gate yeah  that's [ __ ] annoying but then okay I was reading   it last night in bed thinking what can I add to  this is all right last week was better for sure yo   right now I take something off your body okay  I either take your eyes or take your mouth what happens if you get blocked [ __ ] nose  breathe out my ears that's what I'm saying   so you lose and you're not your mouth or your  eyes yeah but you can lose your mouth but you  
(40:12) still like have a hole there no you've  lost your mouth yeah and I [ __ ] make   a hole Yeah there's gum a bum hole have you  seen that like things what are you losing   oh I got the trick if you got a blocked nose major  choose not to read that shit's banging I'll lose   my mouth yeah I'm gonna say mouth yeah what are  you gonna lose Jazz I'll probably say mouth so use   it all dead as soon as you get a cold no because  you use ultra beans no that's [ __ ] [ __ ] nah   trust me that [ __ ] Works a bit of Vicks under  the nose nah trust me it works no do you know  
(40:44) when you get those colds and those block nodes  that take days to go no because I use octavine   but then you just want to be able to see if you  lose your eyes yeah I mean you know you can ah when you've got a cold exactly sometimes you can't  no you can't I can I every time I've had a cold I   either get one blocked like I'll be blocked on  one side and then next day I'll be then blocked   on the other side yeah every time comment on the  video I think it's a fail safe as a human that you  
(41:23) physically cannot [ __ ] suffocate when you've  got a blocked nose sorry yeah if you're [ __ ]   shit's all blocked no comment on the video who's  stupid I said I'll lose my eyes I'll still have a   mouth and a nose if my nose goes blocked hey what  are you gonna do close your eye oh no get your   eyes open but you can't breathe but you can't no  you're being stupid now mate you'll be trying to   look at me for advice but I can't see that you're  [ __ ] joking if I pass you something and you can  
(41:51) touch it what was those salts you bought that I  like leave before you put them in the water those   yeah [ __ ] open your nose up like yeah I've got  a question for you then kjazz we'll start at you   then we'll go down the line um to Brian Natalie  what would you rather you have to say okay would   you rather drink a shot glass full of your dad's  Funk or a shot glass full of your mum's discharge you're disgusted answer it I'm  not I'm not answering it answer it no no no this is awesome buddy answer  it I think you're weird answer hey
(42:30) but I'd say spunk because our dad's a stranger  so it's like yeah just give a random man yeah   no I'm gonna suck his dick if it's the same  you get the ending yeah I'm [ __ ] no way   I'm going there mom's [ __ ] [ __ ] juice  come on Briley see dad's come no I can't I   can't I can't but she actually knows her dad  so I guess it's different for her yeah man   you know it's probably gonna be more Hill  to make sure it takes the pineapple Elite  
(43:01) pineapple though I can't please I'm gonna  be sick no please I can't I feel ill what   would you pick mommy or daddy I'd [ __ ] do  both shots bang bang give me more double Park not answering that imagine another shot glass full  of BV what is it what is BV bacterial vaginosis   the smell of like fish so it just smells like  fish sometimes they say for example say if like   it's like when people use like it's when the pH  balance is off on your vagina and it smells like   fish you've always got it then [ __ ] off sticky  [ __ ] and use fragrant stuff yeah it's like when  
(43:48) they use like bath bombs yeah yeah like [ __ ]  like that Lush yes I love that [ __ ] I know   before I came here oh he's in the digital in the  mic no oh he's [ __ ] something no excited on it I   think you know when you sneezing a bit of a green  well that's your seat forever okay what would you   rather okay what would you rather okay you're  you'd be a police officer you have to arrest   your best friend who's your best friend mine yeah  I might have one who's your best friend you you oh
(44:26) but then I thought that'd be really corny so  yeah who's your best friend I'd say Reuben   who's your best friend Ronnie I'd say Ollie  bullet [ __ ] Ollie who's your best friend   Rebecca okay so this is a question okay you're a  police officer and you have to arrest your best   friend because you've you know that they have  drugs in their house this could be a major drug   bust and you know for a fact Wednesday  they are in jail for life okay sorry or   that doesn't happen but you get arrested  for drug busts and you're in prison for life  
(45:04) but you gotta go what are you saying oh he's  got to go he's gone yeah yeah sorry Becca yeah he could raise him no I'll do it I'll visit you  in prison ever speak to you again no they would   no Ollie wouldn't uh no well he wouldn't use grass  he's in prison for life because of you of course   the cunt's not gonna [ __ ] in but would you go  to prison who's your bestie my bestie year Craig   camera guy Alex so what would you choose I'll go  prison because I know his little bum hole wouldn't  
(45:40) last a day in there so yeah so [ __ ] we've just  found out they're all [ __ ] friends the shittiest   of friends so I'm gonna I was gonna ask you what  are all your dream jobs but I reckon it's gonna be   prison officers you little bastards growing up as  a kid okay before you were poisoned by this shitty   Earth and how it works what would have you what  did you want to be oh I want a singer all right   mate I didn't ask you after Natalie I'm sorry yeah  okay we'll start with the most important people  
(46:07) and end here I'm mid should we probably intensity  make out on the pardon light have like dry sex no okay cool what's your dream job she was  a singer yeah you were a shite singer right   right like you yeah I know bryony would  have wanted to be she didn't want to be   in a [ __ ] no gym dancer no oh yeah no I  was like right what no I said no dream job   yeah that's crazy to be fair she did say she  would want to be a nurse for age but that's   okay Round of Applause the NHS thank you why  laughing I'm saying so you might be that one
(46:47) you might be here you got offered a job as a  nurse and you sacked it off to come work for   me yeah I chose to work that is [ __ ] brother  yeah who makes me shot whiskey 10 a.m yeah it's   not actually whiskey it's just water dancing  water that's what it is did you not know I'm   gonna miss my pants should have enough of them  no [ __ ] off that was me last time why did   that taste different I don't know I went down  really [ __ ] okay what's your dream what was   your dream job let me do it again majorettes  none of that oh I bet I used to do majorettes  
(47:25) yeah so I thought now cheerleader yeah that's  quite a cool job though I reckon to be a vet oh classic oh [ __ ] yeah you're actually  just reminded me of no no I was watching   this Tick Tock the other day and it was  like this guy was getting interviewed   and they've asked him so like what was your  life advice be to like like younger kids he's   like spend less time with [ __ ] and the guy's  like spend less time with the kids he's like   what he's like spend less time with the kids and  he's like no the kids and the guy's like so your  
(48:04) life advice has spent less time with the kids and  he's like [ __ ] but he said [ __ ] they're kids   and then the guy was like he's like [ __ ] and  he was like but still yeah not the kids either   I was Kiss myself I thought of you obviously  like the um horrible when you don't understand   so I think if you feel rude saying what like yeah  and you get to the third like what and it's like   yeah I'm just gonna say yeah yeah I just hope  that I'm answering you right not you in general  
(48:33) that's what Nan does she just so passes yeah  yeah because she's just deaf yeah so well Steph I don't like how you're looking  at me like that who what stuff I'm not blink chat darling yeah you did Dick  Head the kids [ __ ] do you do [ __ ] still I   I've done this since I was a kid I still do it  now do you still play The Shotgun Rule in the   car shotgun shotgun yeah Alex do it so I've seen  a video the other day this car was pulled up and   obviously the guy that's got in the front  didn't call shotgun so the other guys I'm  
(49:15) giving them out I'm giving you 10 seconds to  get out of this car before I pull you out and   beat the [ __ ] out of you I'm not getting  out he's holding the door can't stop using   he pulls back the car so it's battling him when  Natalie takes me home me and Lexi like shotgun   like friends how mad though like how did it  that's why it's best to just be the driver   because then you don't have to shotguns but I'm  the Auntie so she should let me in the front   but sometimes yeah she's it's it's I guess  her mom's car shotguns at first right do the  
(49:41) amount of time but like I know we're about  to leave so I'm thinking like five minutes now like but the thing is you have to like open you punch them yeah until they name five  pubs and say pubs closed no I haven't no   I've never heard of that I've heard of that  for yonks yeah but yeah we've also forgot   to mention they're like what is it there's a  lighter being on that table the whole time and   I forgot to mention why because obviously  if you watch the ship pod last week we're  
(50:30) about to light up some ciggies yeah but did  we just [ __ ] drunk them but now if someone   wants a fart they have to get on the table and  fart like they're fart on fire but that's why   the light has been there so it's been there  for a while how long has the Pod been on now okay is bryony single for me no Abdul  said that big up Abdul ivory no I appreciate it but no okay another one from  Holly would you rather get absolutely hammered for   a full weekend or stay high for a full weekend  with no Munchies in the house yeah drunk hi  
(51:26) I don't condone anything of that so  I would do Neva you made us take a   shot yeah yeah okay Kimmy so who is  the funniest out of you three girls your biggest wet wipe out of our street who  you voting and I laugh Friday's a Karen I'm sorry I have good humor the funny thing you have  like your Kendall Jenner mum side to you but like   the thing is you're funny in ways like ways  just natural like yeah like you don't realize   you've been funny yeah yeah yeah true staying  humble I don't think Jasmine's maybe laugh once  
(52:02) you just left am I on joke now to be fair  does it count this so she was watching it   on TV the other day and she said comment  down and wet myself laughing so she put   it on I was laughing does that count as her  making me laugh I guess so because she put   it on yeah come on we're pissing ourselves  to be fair no I do make you laugh to lie he's so like weird he just tries here on camera  yeah this is probably droopy come on here she just   said uh yeah no because we don't you can close  your eyes on YouTube because you're facing me  
(52:39) if you make out with her I can see your face  okay let's um get on to the next one then so   who's the funniest who did becomes terms with  me hey does this okay we got level now this   is for Jay said are you ticklish if so where oh  who Jasmine where yeah ticklish on my feet your   feet everywhere really no Mom moss on my feet to  your feet it's ticklished them on camera no no no   Briley where are you ticklish my feet on my back  were you about to say something else no I was I   like I was deciding whether feet are back well you  know I'm dead inside yeah you don't you don't like  
(53:22) I'm dead oh she's numb she's numb like the many  times The Jackson tickets I'll get a ticking my   armpits and [ __ ] it's like pleasure no but  like it's just nice yeah yeah I don't I'm not   ticklish yeah I like my arms being tickled can't  have one what would you rather for someone said   Daniel said eyes as your [ __ ] or [ __ ] as  your eyes eyes as your [ __ ] yeah yeah because   then you can cover that up but then you can't No  One's Gonna See you but you can't see anything  
(53:49) it means you have to walk out yeah because  imagine having wrinkly [ __ ] around your eyes   regardless you could Contour that [ __ ]  right also you would be able to see regardless and he farts and dribbles who Kristen Reuben does  as well I've got another one from through Jan he's   called he's Indian he put can you talk about India  the Indian culture and the Indian food Indian food   is lit yeah Curry me actually before Jasmine gave  birth we were eating [ __ ] Curry's we were eating  
(54:24) we had three foods you weren't sweating no we're  eating vindalooza it looked like old sunburn sweat   once the Indian foods bang yeah and that's my  favorite like food to get so yeah your answer is it yeah that's crazy but yeah so and had their breads  they do with lit yeah that one that's like that   thick like another bread fish Bari ones banging  me oh my God it's so good so yeah you're a prime   we love India yes next question I'm gonna sneeze  quickly bless you bless you bless you free bless  
(55:07) you bless you bless you flabby seven bless you  [ __ ] let's fill the sweat seven sneezes there   question for the podcast what was the  most embarrassing moment in your life   brownies was probably about six weeks ago mum's  house but uh anyway um [Laughter] he's like no I won't get you to comment on it but um what's  yours um the other week when you embarrassed her   she can't even watch it back oh God yeah  that's I can't think of stuff in my head   I already told my embarrassing story you  gotta tell another one now a different one  
(55:50) I'm really happy I actually have a funny story it  doesn't have to be sexual no I know it could be   embarrassing where like something's happened and  you're like [ __ ] oh yeah once I was on I was   gonna like it's once yeah I was on the toilet  in the airport and the flush is censored and I   obviously sat too far back and it flushed and  I just got scared and jumped up and I was like if we're gonna see [ __ ] in your pants no I  just read okay six weeks ago no what's your  
(56:23) story Natalie [Music] um Joe I do probably have  quite a few embarrassing moments but you know   what I find really embarrassing is you know when  you're walking through town and someone's waving   at you and you're like I don't know who you  are but I don't want to be rude so I'm like   and then carry on walking past you and it's the  person behind you holy [ __ ] kill me kill me   but that's the [ __ ] that literally plays  in your head for like a week yeah you   you play it over and over again that is  embarrassing as [ __ ] yeah that's yours  
(56:52) most embarrassing story I've got some surely I've  got some embarrassing ones what about the town are   you in Jackson which one and when you were went  to that concert oh my [ __ ] God yeah so I I've   never I see Reeves just normally ignore that  story so I've come I can't remember where the   place was there was like some music festival on  we went out with MTV and what where was it was it   I can't remember where it was with Bristol or  something either anyway so remember Professor  
(57:19) Green yeah so he was like me and Jax were doing  these videos okay at this like this time we were   doing all the crazed videos and that and he was  on and then I was like 20 000 people in the crowd   right sort of [ __ ] it with me and Jackson drunk  as [ __ ] we're like [ __ ] we'll come out and do   a challenge one of our Challengers like you  know what I'm saying so we've gone on stage you're getting embarrassed wait are you ready for  this second hand embarrassment oh my God so we've  
(57:46) got out there and um Professor Green's like done  a song He's like um pause his music he's like yo   I want to just like bring him out with my friends  so me and Jackson came on stays like 20 000 people   whoa going crazy yeah no so luckily I got the mic  first I said yo what's good everyone's going crazy   I introduced myself Jackson everyone's good and  I passed the fight to Jackson no and he went at a   count of three I need everybody to go to sleep do  they like our little Challenger so he could have  
(58:13) sent anyone okay so he said can everyone go to  sleep right so Professor Green his DJ the security   uh me and Jackson no oh no did you lay down so  we've all laid out to go to sleep we look up no   one else is down are they there's like four people  at the front gone down oh no no and the rest is   standing and then it bit like picture like there's  nothing being said obviously because Professor   Green's lying down we were lying down and  everybody's just standing up so Jackson because  
(58:43) he was on the mic so it kind of looked worse on  him he's got up and gone oh drop the mic and run   on stage at least he made it funny no but it was  like like an awkward oh so I'm like caught up ran   off we've walked in the back and we're literally  both doing this I swear she's about 10 minutes but like when I when it happened at the time  I got the video of like where I'm like yeah   it was good it was good ah yeah it's juice  nuts and I cut the video I posted my story  
(59:44) so everyone thinks we've just got this  mad crowd lit but look do they know that   they didn't even [ __ ] [ __ ] two minutes  later [ __ ] getting everyone to play Pokemon okay at the end of this pod depending on the  mood I'm in I'll send it to Alex we'll play it   at the end of this video but if it's not on the  end of the video it's because no it can't be on   the internet story tell us a story about the  video yeah you've told the story now since you   give the viewers like their full experience you  should show them I know but it's more like having  
(1:00:17) that on the internet see how bad that looks it's  like embarrassing no because if that's one more   embarrassing things have happened than that no  no you trust me like that starts going around   you're overthinking it now if that starts going  around tick tock on its own without this story   so oh my god look these went on here oh I see  me so yeah it might be on this video it might   not be so basically no context so I'll show you  after you have you never seen it no I've never  
(1:00:44) even heard that story yeah yeah you've never  told me that story that embarrassed you never   even told me it's [ __ ] bad I totally forgot  about that that's mad that you remember that   you just remember that one did I show you the  video I think yeah I think I've seen the video   actually oh it's so bad okay yeah we're gonna end  this pod now but we're gonna end it with one thing   okay have you ever heard of that saying like  you've got to give someone their flowers no no  
(1:01:05) so like the thing is when people die you know  everybody's like oh my God Rest in Peace this   person yeah but it's like it's cool people always  give people their flowers and they die so they   don't actually realize okay so you're gonna pick  one person you're gonna give them their flowers   right now and they're not dead they're alive  tell them how much you love them please hit him   well right now so pick one person to give my  flowers to yeah yeah I'm saying because the  
(1:01:29) thing is a lot of people they say like everyone  gets their flowers when they're dead so they don't   actually know they have the flowers that makes  sense yeah oh you go first I'll start I don't   know I'll start okay I'm gonna give my flowers to  mum okay we [ __ ] wind her up a lot you know what   I'm saying wax bikes he's we [ __ ] what's the  word like not in that way like it's just heard   wait the characters she is yeah I'm saying the  way like um comes across she can't take jokes  
(1:01:55) no she can't say she takes [ __ ] the heart you  know what I'm saying she doesn't always remember   that yeah I'm giving my mom my flies to mum just  so she realizes you know what I'm saying yeah probably manana yeah just what about your grandpa  you're not gonna give him double you said what   you said okay why are you gonna give them your  flowers just because they're my best friends yeah   and then why how much they mean to you a lot yeah  obviously yeah I'm asking you questions I want you  
(1:02:22) to elaborate on your flowers the Watchers  and they're like okay that's that's nice I   hope they don't watch this yeah I'm gonna turn  it down who you giving your flowers to Bradley   um Ollie's bullet [ __ ] no and no no Pro mom yeah  my dad mom and my dad both or you can see I'm just   saying to my head yeah yeah Mum and Dad I'm gonna  say Nan only because she helped raise us with mum   yeah yeah so she deserves it but yeah I'd say no  but Nan knows she's got her flowers because we  
(1:02:48) [ __ ] yeah well then Mom then no no that's a good  answer for you but she really I'm saying but mom   she putting his mum probably doesn't realize oh no  we all look awesome yeah but the way she like take wait no one gives a [ __ ] mate unless you don't  shut off you gotta do a shot to get flowers you   wanna do a shot to get flowers to anyone so yeah  I thought I'd end on a different Vibes there you   know what I'm saying at the end of each pod  we're gonna give someone their flowers okay  
(1:03:19) because there's probably a lot of people that like  deserve flowers like do I'm saying yeah so yeah   [ __ ] you all for watching this [ __ ] pod  if you're still watching this pod you're an   [ __ ] because how the [ __ ] have you got  through over an hour I've asked for absolute   [ __ ] talking [ __ ] meaning this pointless  lifeless valuable [ __ ] Doogie on toast you   know what I'm saying eat Indian food worries  yeah yeah I love you oh one more thing P.
(1:03:47) O box   send us your dog [ __ ] I want to eat it oh yeah  [ __ ] peanut butter pizza last one oh yeah bye [Music] foreign