Spreading Rumours by Kristen Hanby
Kristen Hanby and his crazy family launch the world's worst podcast where they dive into hilarious life experiences and chat about anything and everything - even if it's complete nonsense. Get ready for a good laugh and some seriously unfiltered conversations!
Spreading Rumours by Kristen Hanby
EP:11 Are Kristen and Jasmine Getting Married? Emma Sits On A Cactus and Air Fryers
Spreading Rumours Podcast by Kristen Hanby Episode 11.
Get ready to laugh out loud with Kristen, Jasmine, Emma, and Natalie as they explore some of the funniest topics in Episode 11 of Spreading Rumours Podcast. From life as a parent to the first time farting/pooing in front of your partner, they cover it all! Hear about Kristen's crush on Rita Ora, how air fryers changed her life, and their obsession with serial killer documentaries. They even answer hilarious fan questions and try the soda water challenge. Stick around for some outrageous questions, like "What would you do if you had teeth in your fanny?" and "What can you say in bed that you can also say at a funeral?" Don't miss out on this entertaining episode!
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(00:00) welcome back to the world's shittest podcast the moment you have all been waiting for today we have Emma long lost their mom hey guys so yeah you're a bit nervous aren't you yeah to be fair when my mum came on when Brianna came on when Liv came on they were all nervous they're like sweating hands in that and then we're five minutes in we're talking about dicks and nerves we're gone they were sound honestly you'll be fine so how crazy is this we are all parents
(00:25) oh yeah that's crazy eh we all have kids would you say you have kids or a kid I don't know how it works actually I don't have a kid I don't have kids I have a kid and you've got kids I've got kids she's got more than one that's crazy what the hell we're on that is that is mad we're growing up right like so how old's house now two two two I believe it oh yeah I was gonna say two years ago but you're pregnant three years ago you didn't know
(00:56) and now you have a kid I know me and you as well you know what I'm saying you finally got lucky and how about yours at the Lexi's 11 now 11 and almost two in August she's four months behind Harrison so they're literally like exactly the same age how crazy is that we're still in the baby steps at the moment we're just like she's only just started to smile yeah whereas Atlas and Harrison are pretty much at the same stage and they'll be going to the same they'll be in the same year as well when they go to school that's crazy
(01:26) you've got each other yeah at least it's really cute they have each other at least Emmy's got um Harrison and Finn like I'm saying they're like [ __ ] be Beast film with the show I think he's gonna just beat people I reckon Harrison's gonna like the fight as well he's got that little like yeah he's yeah from Finn he's gonna be a proper ladies man as well like you can tell 100 that's crazy so beat him with kids and stuff marriage you're getting married in what four months four
(01:53) months time do you want to get married Emma yeah I do you actually that's like the one thing you want to do yeah like what you as well Jasmine what is it about marriage that people want I feel like all women want to get married yeah and I feel like it's the security and just I don't know like with that is it was so different saying my husband yeah I think you sound like cool I just can't let me just call the hubby yeah I just can't picture myself getting married walking down an aisle
(02:23) hi you always used to say to me when we met oh I'm gonna marry you yeah you want some time sweetening you up right yeah you say what you drafted you said to me he said you're the only girl I can ever see myself marrying I think I've said that to about and I'm joking yeah Johnny's always says to me you're the one guy I want to marry so do you think you will get married at some point it's Johnny yeah it's crazy I guess so it's one of those things you kind
(02:53) of got to wait for but I can't like right now I can't see myself I'd love to just walk down the aisle wearing a white dress no ASMR you've got to do it in the mics with some of the fans yeah but I'm not like you I don't need to do about 10 years so yeah so if I ever do get married you know I'm saying I'll take my comment back but right this minute I'm just like but why why don't you want to get married I just this is something I'm not really like he's always said that to
(03:18) me to be fair that he's never ever wanting to get married it's just something what's the reason why I don't know this is something I'm not really like everyone I know that's got married they're [ __ ] hate their life do they everyone that gets yeah I'm saying everyone everyone they name me one married couple that are [ __ ] happy and Granddad yeah but he yeah now to be fair yeah I'll give it but that's back in the day before social if they got married now he would definitely be
(03:44) looking at Birds online thinking no he wouldn't I just found this in my pocket by the way I forgot to say at the beginning I've got a lighter I've always wanted to know what it is like if you like your fart so if anyone needs a fighter throughout the Pod don't hesitate to light it so it'll be you then just anything that I'm saying if you need a fart just think [ __ ] it I want to see because I don't actually know if I've tried for I can't think why would you not save that for when you've
(04:08) got literally a panel of four guys three girls yeah but you all [ __ ] yeah but none of us are gonna just be like yeah pastors Delight depends depends how many shots he get down on X I know I know I reckon you do naughty parts Emma me do you know what as well do you know when people fart okay picture this okay do you know when you hold a fart in and it goes where the [ __ ] does that fart go back into your gut mate because it [ __ ] hits your life situation and you're squeezing yeah you can't even talk and that just goes yeah like there's all straight back inside
(04:41) it's back in but then where does it go is it sitting there and waiting that's why you get trapped wind is it because it's a hard trap wind yeah I can't that's what I'm holding before no you've never had trapped when she was Far yeah guys don't get that yeah at the beginning you don't fart like it took me it took me like are you the same as well and like it took me about six months to fart and I remember the first time ever done it I said I need a [ __ ] but you've
(05:04) got to go first yeah he made me go for a poo first what the [ __ ] with the hotel room and I was like I need a ship I'm not going so you're going for a [ __ ] now so I made her go first Johnny's in the house there was one time do you remember and I got locked in the bathroom and he was like why did you lock the door it was because yeah and I was locked in the bathroom for literally 20 minutes and it was all because I didn't want him to come in because I was going to the toilet what did you say to him what were you doing there well he obviously knew it yeah
(05:33) I just hate that and then I was scared because nothing came I remember the first time when um it must have been one of the first times you've met Johnny people not met him but when you came up the house remember it was like you were sat on the couch he was farting and smelling it in front of you in like the first week oh and you found him attractive I literally I remember I remember him farting and I was thinking that is one of the coolest things I've ever seen in my life like not
(05:57) some real [ __ ] because you know for example like when you're like in that situation you hold it in yeah like sometimes you're just like you literally need a [ __ ] for like three days yeah like you feel ill but literally it was on the couch we were watching [ __ ] I don't know we're watching but he farted in his hand and went like this oh did he smell it or pass it to you but it was in front of you and you just laughed and I was thinking like that is what you call some real [ __ ] a gangster
(06:18) no but inside I was probably thinking that's gross literally it's [ __ ] oh I've got free presents here they're gonna sit on the table as well I was meant to do this at the [ __ ] beginning okay um they're not it's not too too much crazy things going in okay so what box do you want to follow you Natalie I'll pick the bottom one the bottom one okay let me put it in front of you I'm scared oh God is there a [ __ ] turdy man it's not as bad as you think what one do you want in front of you
(06:52) um your left hand okay I need to do they've got my sign in have you got a box no what what because I got presents for you all and then obviously Jazzy you don't even have a choice [ __ ] sake well I'll be fair it could be the better one though no no I just thought to make you interested you know I'm saying I [ __ ] got three boxes and throughout the part I just wanted a time that I want to open my present okay it's nothing like crazy I thought this idea last minute and
(07:18) what do we once we've opened it is there something we have to do with it or well yeah you'll you'll know when you open it all right putting Jazzy's down I think I know she's going nuts but yeah anyway so yeah throughout the whole foreign can I open it now gone then but yeah you just gotta wait like a good 10 minutes each at least go in there you can open yours oh I don't know I didn't even see what you put in them I don't you've got oh my god oh me oh [ __ ] sound
(08:06) in the morning it's not my fault you got made to pick that present but it's a little present okay [ __ ] sake just a little one just to get your heart okay say thank you very much Mr Hamby for the present you gave me on this fine Tuesday Morning say thank you oh man it's making me crazy yeah oh dumb hat oh yeah I'm saying what a nice present you can take your present off the table now if you want Jazz dinner was also mad all three of us that I sat here breastfeed oh yeah oh that's mad so you've all got [ __ ] massive digestive nipples
(08:47) literally the saggiest no mine aren't anymore you don't got big [ __ ] digestives not anymore so yeah dies down I think you appreciate that wait do you appreciate your present yeah I loved it nice you're feeling all warm inside yo if you could be a flyer yeah and you can you go anywhere you can go any wool you want where's the first place you're going and what pool Are you standing on and why on a wall yeah it has to be a wall any wall to listen to like you're a flyer you can see it you're saying you could be a flyer when you're on a night out
(09:21) yeah but then you used your um social experiment last week for that so you can't you don't want to see it well that [ __ ] bad you wanna do it twice Yeah well yeah I used to be like that like how you are with him it brings back so many like memories of how I used to be like I always used to think oh if I could be a fly on the wall I'd be on that [ __ ] fly and I'd be [ __ ] you'd be on that flight you'd be riding the Flies back literally on it and I'm following him everywhere
(09:45) he goes because I trust that [ __ ] now man you do what you want my fly is flying high like way over there but what would you do now if you've got any any wool doesn't it could be anything any situation you just get to go on one one listen to one or see one thing or whatever it would be like a couple having a domestic in the next block that's 100 probably me and Johnny where would you go I'd have to be on a wall when Johnny's going out okay or maybe you're just chucking you're chilling on a zipper yeah watching yeah you know what you two should do then
(10:23) you two should order one of them dick traps like you stick in that in your pants and it's literally the your the dick can't come out yeah do you know what would be a good video me and Johnny have got a camera on us all night we get drunk and you've watched that camera nah but then I like Carnage not if you know there's a camera on you so even when you're drunk if you're [ __ ] up you don't give a [ __ ] yeah you do it yeah I'm saying what would you what would you be
(10:53) what sure yeah well my fly would be yeah on you yeah that's [ __ ] I can't think of anywhere else where would I be yeah I can't think I'd probably be on the wall of Kylie Jenner shower you know what I'm saying it's a pretty [ __ ] good [ __ ] wall to go on yeah I mean that's what I thought you're gonna that's what you're gonna say yeah and that's why her fly is following you yeah followed me into her bathroom so I'm technically you can help you two birds and one stone is that
(11:23) the thing yeah yeah so yeah I'll be on cardigan as well I remember back there I used to have teeth like um t-shirts with my face on and then was it hurt no no no Brianna no no read your aura yeah [ __ ] out of her mate I used to feel accessory Aura yeah I don't know it just when I was younger he did yeah I remember that and then the general gave me the ick about her one time it's like I don't even know it's not even but I remember she done a tweet once and it said if this tweet gets
(11:49) a hundred thousand retweets in 24 hours I'll um I'll leak a song off my album and they've got like 900 retweets in 24 hours not 100 000 and then she came out and said publicly sorry my account was hacked I'm not leaking any music they'll actually get oh no that's embarrassing so that was like I was like [ __ ] so yeah that's um so that gave you an ick it was just like because it was like she's obviously done this and it's like [ __ ] just flops yeah so that's it
(12:17) use um or obsessed with air fries too aren't you well me the amount of times I kept going on about you get your [ __ ] air fryer out you'll never look back I see videos of people talking [ __ ] about fries if you're one of them will [ __ ] you just turned me into a chef you you'd like it to be fair now oh my God it's so much easier 100 like chicken we did when I was doing the roast on Sunday I did chicken and pigs and blankets in it within like seven minutes no mess no or you'd have
(12:45) to keep checking cutting it in half do you have one I hate cooking okay you hate air fries doesn't have cooking because I didn't have cooking didn't have dinner because I just hate cooking Johnny's actually been cooking dinner do you have an air fry then a lot yeah Natalie gave us oh nice and if you started using that or you still not like it no I hate cooking oh this is so easy I started liking enjoying cooking well those lately to the point where I actually want to go to a chef course
(13:11) it's because you're using the airfryer because that's one thing I don't miss is using [ __ ] hob mate but even brighter that I was still cooking a lot on the [ __ ] that's why yeah burn everything this [ __ ] oil everything you literally cook it on like 10 Max and that counts like the frying pan is black yeah I have told him that I just said like turn it down out of it like here's a good thing they're hating on my [ __ ] cooking you know you're a good cook you're really good
(13:36) cook I just I just get into it you know what I'm saying I've been making mad [ __ ] I go through um tick tocks like an hour night and save like airfryer recipes I made peanut butter and jam Sushi the other day the bagels that you made the other morning people it was funny you have an air fryer book and you still look online for air fry recipes how random is that I really should use our airfryer it's so much easier it is so much and stuff so much faster as well yeah it's true like
(14:02) if you're really wanting something like that just literally in like seven minutes like boom dinner boom boom boom boom boom I want you in my room to spend the night together now until forever whoa use your obsessed with [ __ ] you are you're this is what you're like Loki a little freak what like not in bed I just mean like in life like she is obsessed with watching like serial killers and like awesome murder documentaries and [ __ ] I was scared about what you can say then right
(14:30) yeah we um watched the Pod back from last week and like she couldn't even watch some of the parts what that you were talking about all that yeah what I was saying because you forget we had a few drinks in us obviously and like you kind of get a bit Carnage and I was talking about mad [ __ ] and obviously her family might watch it and some of the [ __ ] and she was like oh no I was cringing so I was like don't even put on your story and promote it because I don't even want like this
(14:54) chance to your grandpa me saying that like she loves it when I take my [ __ ] out and she puts on a golden [ __ ] I know I'm not gonna get into the detail start again but I was just like it was like a hundred times worse [ __ ] sake you're always like that no no no no no no I had like but that was kind of like worse wasn't it yeah I can watch it that's cringing so bad yeah back to you being a psycho and loving your [ __ ] serial killer [ __ ] what is it about that [ __ ] that makes you [ __ ]
(15:22) do what I just think it's I can't get over like how like how people do it like I'm just like yeah well I can't even think of the word like people's brain works to like yeah be able to want to watch him because I'm like [ __ ] like how can somebody literally go that far like I don't know it just I get hooked it's crazy I think it's because you want to know what happens and it's just I can't watch them by myself though really I have to watch something I get too scared it's just I
(15:50) just find it crazy like some people out there like but so many people you actually they hear this is actually normal people but they just like love that weird [ __ ] yeah but I've seen that apparently people are born to like to be like that it's you're born it's just yeah you see that but I don't that's [ __ ] when a baby comes out a baby knows nothing a baby they've not developed enough to even understand that but they obviously get to an age where they get to like 13 and 14 they start
(16:13) doing weird [ __ ] like [ __ ] killing cats yeah like yeah you know they do like small things like oh they find like a little [ __ ] rat or whatever they just [ __ ] because um Jeffrey darling when he was a kid apparently his stepdad used to take him in his garage and they used to die yeah and then he's at school and he's like can I take one home it just baffles me I'm more like just like oh my God like oh that I have to just keep watching them and like you say I need to know what like if it's like missing and they don't find them for like 20
(16:48) years later I need to know like where that that person is and what they did to them like it's [ __ ] worked I just don't get it though it's like it's like say if you like it's like when I have my truth or thoughts you're just like nah chilling yeah but the amount of times my body's told me to [ __ ] kill someone what they stabbed me with a knife yeah literally we'll pass you I'm saying but you don't act on that no but then [ __ ] just act on there but then it's probably because they
(17:09) don't have good people around there to [ __ ] like at school they get picked on and they're just like these people they're like [ __ ] it yeah I'm saying I'm not gonna go shopping normal that [ __ ] don't like it anyway I'm gonna [ __ ] cut these people up and [ __ ] eat mad though hey it's even think like people can go that far like I could never ever hurt someone it doesn't make sense I think there's a lot to do with how you're brought up as well yeah like Jeffrey Dahmer
(17:29) his dad said stuff yeah yeah it's [ __ ] yeah speaking of cream okay so what each you better say something what you're gonna say I'll let you say can I open my present yeah gone in yeah yeah you can open the present okay like some of them are like yeah they're just little like they're gonna eat a better presents just you know but this was last minute I thought just add sign hmm oh what have you got I have no idea shut up what have you got there happy [ __ ] days oh my God I got a spa power chair Natalie's
(18:10) present is she gets a spa voucher so she can go get a massage happy [ __ ] days Jasmine got a shot of alcohol human I hope mine's gonna be as good as that I wasn't expecting that I thought it was going to be like dare inside they're gonna get better this is just last minute I thought [ __ ] it yeah I'm saying so there's my [ __ ] bonus yeah straight in my back pocket finale gets a massage hopefully it's not that [ __ ] guy from Miami that proper massages Birds well those
(18:37) ones that do those Turkish ones they get right up in your groin they got the [ __ ] six four things like your ass but yeah what I was getting onto so like every like I spent hours okay like planning pausing what can I do so each week now I'm gonna um I'm gonna get up so I'm gonna try like just let me where's it gone so I'm gonna try and make up a movie just a little short thing to see if it'd be a good movie if it's a [ __ ] one say that was [ __ ] okay each week I'm gonna keep trying
(19:01) until someone picks a movie up I'm like that'd be a good movie okay hopefully um so the movie starts someone gets killed and then the movie instantly moves on to a happy family they're having a baby shows their lives to the point you forget about the person getting killed anyway they have their baby everything is going good they're happy but slowly we find out the person that got killed was brought back and given life again the older this baby gets he unlocks memories to actually realize
(19:27) it was his parents that killed him so he has to make a decision does he kill them or does he tempt fate oh I actually like that let's see I was like a good one but that is good because I was thinking I when you said someone gets killed I'm thinking in my head already well who got killed no that's a Twist but each week I'm gonna read a movie script that's made up of it's in the bath and I was like [ __ ] it that's a good one actually that's not in a bar for hours Jasmine thinks I'm wanking I don't
(19:52) wank in the bathroom you're pissing it man that's like three years ago for three years that was eight years ago like but yeah it's like that movie that's [ __ ] good mate yes so then obviously like you forget about that and then like they're bringing this baby up and then boom he finds out it was his parents that killed him obviously does he kill him or does he just let it happen and see if it happens again that's a sick plot it's good because it's got such a big deal yeah so [ __ ]
(20:16) Tarantino what's his name and the [ __ ] movie director Tarantino um never heard of it Alex say his name you'll know it in Tarantino who's he Quentin Tarantino he's [ __ ] done loads of movies didn't he do Scarface I've never seen that I don't seen that so yeah so rate my movie script out of one to ten ten I'd say 10.
(20:41) I'd say 10. for [ __ ] that was at 10. I wasn't expecting that to be 10 straight off the bat but okay that was [ __ ] I thought it was going to be like another zombie one big dicks and vaginas because I've said last night I'm gonna try my best to not talk about wanking as much and no dicks eating and no yeah [ __ ] with you on that one so I just mentioned when he's in the bath once but I'm trying not to mention when getting dicks this whole part because I always literally have about 10 of each pods just me talking about [ __ ]
(21:07) anyway I'm getting off outside now yeah okay I'm gonna get onto the questions I asked them people do they want to send in some questions to ask you free and um oh this is okay this is people with jazz and Emma like to switch boyfriends for a day no no absolutely not and Jazzy's full-on they both said no okay out of you free who would win in a fight Natalie Jasmine yeah I reckon it'd be fair gamer I mean Jazzy I reckon Jazzy got something for now if she needs it well I actually said a YouTube series idea Jasmine the other day I said
(21:58) all the females in the family yeah I'm saying we can get like a couple of your friends too in that and you will train for eight weeks and then we do a boxing tournament in the garden actual coach of the coach for eight weeks we host our own event in the garden it's all our fans Not fans oh well fancy comments but yeah we actually have like a [ __ ] obviously you've got head guards and big snows getting knocked out oh it'd just be like a what does a [ __ ] chick on chick [ __ ] just big fight that would have a proper ring referee you'd actually have your
(22:29) corner it'd be like three rounds of two minutes just for fun oh yeah no it's not gonna get to the point where you hate each other because it's like it's it's be like yeah I'm not getting in a ring I'm certainly not gonna start throwing punches at any of that all I'm saying is I think that sounds like Natalie's scared think okay before we get a cat fighting I'm gonna move on ask Jasmine now I nearly read that one out it says ask Jasmine to be your wife on it I
(22:57) think he read that out yes you just did do you want more kids your guys videos are great love watching videos do you want more kids and how many I'd have another one [ __ ] you probably have number 10 you'd have a [ __ ] no another one or two Bob you're another one or two I've got another one okay Emma I want another one what the [ __ ] came out then nah I'm happy with two two's my life two's always been my perhap two and I always thought oh one girl one boy but reality
(23:29) is I actually give a [ __ ] I don't have a boy I'm happy with my girl you got Finn and Harrison yeah yeah exactly I'm happy with my girlfriend there's gonna be a good group of them when they're older yeah I mean Lexi's obviously well older than them maybe she'll be like the the mum to them maybe and then all the other ones are literally just gonna be like me you and Johnny yeah and live would you rather have penises for fingers or testicles growing at your forehead
(24:02) that's [ __ ] that's both [ __ ] what would you rather I'd probably rather [ __ ] think how many wanks you can have me on your fingers ten Birds ten odds yeah ten birds at once yeah I'll go for the dick fingers I'd do much of saggy balls let me keep potatoes okay this is gonna I don't know if this is weird Okay testicles on your forehead yeah like when you're in the bath I don't go out my way to wash my testicles they just wash themselves in the bath I would have thought okay because they
(24:32) float to the top well yeah that's one thing like I don't know if this is a weird thing but I don't put them in the bath I don't think oh I need to clean my testicles I clean off my dick my ass on my gooch but I never get my bike so I don't know can't on this cave right now it's not coming I don't have a sir so comment on this oh man Mentor go out their way and clean their bollocks in the bowl off or do they just clean themselves in water I've never they don't stink or anything so like well they're satin Waters I doubt
(24:58) they would so yeah so um back to this I'd have to go out my way to clean my testicles if they're on my forehead oh yeah so I just have penis is my finger yeah same yeah I'm saying I know you don't want to talk about wanking but you could get some decent wanks I don't talk about wanking the way ten fingers I'm matured mate no wanking talk matured I've had penises on my fingers and wear condoms and everything yeah you're sticking your fingers up your ass mate what are you picking
(25:25) um was it pain or something oh 10 penises oh no things growing out of places freaked me out so definitely big fingers yeah fingers I think the birds you can [ __ ] know yeah I've been in the club at this come to Daddy tell us what you like anyway no this is [ __ ] I don't do this I just wave money how much one night would you have I think the testicles on the forehead Oh okay little [ __ ] switching up oh yeah you can hide him you have a night cap over your eyes okay um someone said I don't know who his name is but said will you suck his fat [ __ ] I don't
(26:07) know who it is his name oh who are you talking to I've seen the name at the bottom Sheldon said would you all suck his fat [ __ ] now he's got a lit hairline I've not actually seen his hairline have you seen it no I haven't seen it okay so um answered to that is Sheldon of course they would I got another one um oh this is just some guy don't expect a response but what's your podcast and what you've done with your gambling is very sensible I'm in debt and but I can't stop it's
(26:35) one of the hardest things to stop I think I'm gonna try or do what you've done good on you weirdest places you've ever had sex Natalie oh okay Natalie and Emma both giggled there I mean I've had sex like in public yeah where they wouldn't say it's weird um we used to go for bike rides and electrical bike ride bushes and just decided to Shag in a bush and then carried on with our bike rides well no but we just do it anyway [ __ ] I've never had sex in a Bush have I had sex in a bush oh I've had sex in a hot tub in
(27:30) front of people back in the day how many people are talking um probably like five people I think I actually remember I think I was taking one up from the yeah that's funny people were showering each other in the shower there's a couple of people in the [ __ ] bath just cleaning each other's backs and I was in the hot tub having sex with Ruben and those to some people chilling in there just watching just jerking off back in the day when I was naughty what about you I know you you laughed
(27:59) no I just laughed because it went really quiet no no I reckon you laugh because you've got a deep little memory popped up thinking oh that is naughty is okay [Laughter] where where um she's definitely got some she's got mine my I've had sex in a car before okay because my it wasn't her car do you want no secret go on I've had sex in your hot dog not this one that's why to be fed one of your ways loads of people that Scott and Daniella had it in there and that's why Johnny always makes that
(28:40) joke yeah yeah I'm swimming around in that hot sauce it's probably my brothers because how mad is this correct me if we're wrong but apparently if you come in a hot tub if the sperm stays alive because the heat I don't reckon no way too hard kill it yeah say that but then no hot tubs are only like 37 degrees aren't they no I just don't think as well oh so your whole family have um been in that hot tub you and Johnny had sex in because we gave your family the hot tub yeah but they changed the water yeah so your your dad
(29:20) could potentially have your and Johnny's nut all over his hands and on his [ __ ] ew just Johnny's nut or her Fanny as well you know what when it came to my house I was oh this is white your brother Charlie has potentially had our jizz in his mouth if he's gone it's all right he drunk her breast milk oh that was closer yeah how much how much I paid him 100 pounds like it's war and then someone's spit in it as well was it me no I think yeah I think he lets someone spit in it just for the crack no I don't think I think it was mixed with something but yeah
(30:01) I just remember him necking out of your palm puff yeah then he just [ __ ] hit the jackpot and win loads of cash oh yeah he did did Johnny caterer doing it she came in oh Charlie's [ __ ] him yeah him and Charlie are so bad they egg each other on yeah but Charlie actually wins yeah yeah I sent Johnny to London um last weekend for a poker tournament paid his entry in two tournaments [ __ ] [ __ ] came back empty-handed I'm boring probably the hot tub yeah well the same one yeah
(30:41) with each other what about you we're this place is yeah um I Wanna Know like what level I don't know actually I don't think I do want to know what's just a weird place to say some weird places it's just aren't weird places it's what probably normal people do yeah I'm trying to spark and [ __ ] memory of a weird place I mean you've probably got plenty nah I'm saying there's people watching go on tell me okay like I know I thought let's maybe a weird place think of one thing [ __ ] I know
(31:32) I got lost too many yeah yeah I don't like I'm trying to think of a weird weird place I mean what's weird really like what is actually classed as weird uh weird is um in a bush for you no no maybe no no me and Natalie had sex in a bush so yeah [ __ ] moving on to the next part there's another one of her feelings they don't really have feelings to hurt me I don't really know any weird places but now it's got to the point where I've delayed it made it weird now I've made it weird but like it's not even weird that's what I mean
(32:11) you can't even say anything because it's probably not probably not I think I know what this one is well unless you didn't put it in oh actually I think I know what it is yeah what is it okay oh I knew it okay so this is what Emma has to do she has to place the cactus on the chair and sit down on it really do I actually yeah they're like fully sit on it but you gotta someone sit on it thank God I didn't get that one how I'm the [ __ ] winner really [Music] not that bad off the cake a little break that has Johnny's dick
(33:12) so yo Emma Emma it has a cactus fetish she's gonna [ __ ] Johnny in a cactus Bush now so yeah um yeah so you can move your present now oh I didn't actually know what you were going to do with the cactus put it in there I was just gonna even Cactus sit on the [ __ ] I'll keep it that's yours you gotta put Alex um half is burnt Alex set on fire why what just like if you look at one of them it's all burnt oh yeah maybe that's where it didn't hurt as much you know when you talk
(33:44) really loudly and you go faint yeah but you like to talk loud and you're like you gotta like you feel like you're gonna pass out do you know what will solve that a shot a shot of [ __ ] Reuben's [ __ ] if you want then what we're gonna try now is okay yeah for the last five minutes I've had this feeling in my head I feel like I'm gonna pass out do you know what before do you know before I asked you about weird place red sex yeah that's what I've had this so I've not been
(34:09) able to focus but that's why I went weird why no because it was just no before that because I've been like nearly passing out it's making excuses I was just about to say [ __ ] you know you're really reaching now aren't you mate no no I've got like this might help you pass that down I'm gonna get it out of him after I know yeah I've not had I've [ __ ] not had weird sex weird place I've had sex in bushes rooftops [ __ ] you have did you yeah I've had like a name
(34:31) places but none of them are really weird sex like graveyards and [ __ ] I think having sex yeah of a penthouse oh now it's just a random rooftop okay um we're gonna play a game we're gonna take it one at a time okay can you go first yeah I don't know how this works but apparently if you try and drink soda water you like your body shuts down and so I'm gonna know what happens we're gonna find you mean it shuts down so you're gonna have you gotta like try your highest
(35:03) and don't be a little [ __ ] girl right now what the [ __ ] is soda water right to find out yeah this could be a fail but you're just trying down it okay try your best even if you throw up this reminds me of that video of that kid doing it and he's going oh my God oh my God and then he [ __ ] walks backwards and then he [ __ ] knocks himself out with a garage door and no matter how many times I watch that I still crease so we're gonna try it okay you wanna go first okay try and drink as much as you can in one go okay don't let the steam out there you go drink
(35:36) you go oh [ __ ] I didn't really they've been if someone's shaking it oh did you shoot oh stop it magic shake it before you said you changed I didn't say the word wank go on you gotta drink it as far as you can we've got a jumper oh God oh my God you feast oh my God I don't know how she's doing that how's that feel don't worry I'll get in you oh my God please burp into the mic no I don't do better than that you gotta keep going you don't let the gas out oh is that
(36:12) what it is yeah don't let the gas out you gotta keep going until your body get it all down here what do you mean until your body what I don't know about to find out come on dad you got this this is making me happy Jazzy [ __ ] keep going just keep going just keep going oh my God you're a bully no no we're all doing it I know nobody because it's not boys you just go keep going who you can't [ __ ] you've downed loads of water she said well guys well at the same time
(36:41) he's yo keep going Jazz it's the bubbles you need the bubbles in your stomach oh my God I can't open it it's gonna feel sick oh my God oh my God it's like going really dumb well it's going down really slow I've got stomach I don't know if this is we're doing this right oh my God what happened my whole body is shivered I'm gonna throw I've not eaten I don't know what's happening I don't know if we're doing this right I just bopped in my mouth and I snorted everywhere oh my God can I wipe my nose
(37:25) on the curtain oh my God my nose is streaming I did it for doing this right this is minging oh it tastes like bile got belly here I'm so proud of you good surprise look how much she's just drunk but apparently if you drink it your body just has a [ __ ] meltdown you're just like [ __ ] stupid [Laughter] I will pay you 500 pounds of fart for that later I know I don't want him to do with this I'm proud of you guys thanks thanks that's awful this is making a little burping now so yeah I don't know if that was a fail comment will be done wrong
(38:13) yeah it's like you I need a tissue my nose is running I'm gonna try down I'm gonna go again I feel like we've let the squad down here what do you [ __ ] went oh like I'm not asking me gag I did I buffed in my mouth yeah I've heard apparently I'm gonna try and just downloading one care I don't know what's gonna happen here I just bought because I think you need all the air in your stomach and your stomach blows up but that's not good for you on the spot oh legends that is made [ __ ] toilet paper appear
(38:50) comment on this video what we've done wrong baby baby another game for us okay this is gonna be full of us burping Now isn't it I've got another game for us it's kill this game is called how dirty is your mind oh guys I have for silently okay yeah you've been a lady you ready for these I've got some um let me get some of these [ __ ] you gotta guess what this is okay when I go in I cause pain I fill your holes when you ask me to I also ask that you spit and not swallow who am I [ __ ] what
(39:42) I mean the first thing that would come to mind yeah be a dick yeah no you [ __ ] dirty dirty woman Jasmine say it again when I go in I cause pain I fill your holes when you ask me to I also ask that you spit and not swallow what am I [ __ ] this is how they're in dicks a screw I was gonna say that but then you don't ask me to go in you but yeah yeah it could be a wall the wall could be talking and it causes it causes pain yeah one a dentist I thought it'd be a paracetamol because you asked you know you say take
(40:27) give me the paracetamol and it say look at that dicks instantly okay you're [ __ ] dirty people thinking the same okay I got another one what gets longer if it's pulled fits snugly between breasts slides neatly in a hole chokes people when used incorrectly and works well when jerked say that again what gets longer if pulled fit snugly between breasts slides neatly into a hole chokes people when used incorrectly and works well when jerked no idea oh I mean I mean aside for the obvious I don't know so what's what comes to your mind when you think of that hear that and what do
(41:11) you want to say penis penis what do you want to say I was gonna say a net no it's probably a good sound a necklace because it dangles in between but then when it's a jerk it put me off okay so what's yours no idea and Natalie's obviously a [ __ ] vile human being again the answer is a seat belt oh okay ah I got another one okay I was gonna say a collar but then I thought no I've sort of fit between your tits what name a word that starts with f and ends with uck the silence is painful there f uck starts with f and ends with u c e k
(41:58) [ __ ] what do you think Natalie just loves it doesn't she it's just the most obvious answer what do you think [ __ ] what do you think I don't know I need time to think that yeah that's what yeah yeah see this is the problem these days okay people instantly associate things of sex you know what I'm saying there's more to life as sex and wanking stop talking about sex what is it fire truck oh I should know that oh okay what's long and hard when it's young and soft and small when it's old [ __ ] get one right
(42:44) so say that again what's long and hard when it's young and soft and small when it's old five four three young man's penis in an old man's penis I don't know what are you saying what first came to your head wait can you just read it again sorry yeah yeah I'll I'll wait until Alex stops being noisy behind the camera what are you doing mate I'm wrapping a [ __ ] frame go Jazz five four three two one a candle oh let's see they're so obvious when you see yeah okay well this one I go in Hard come out soft and
(43:34) you love to blow me what am I you gotta get one right come on a lollipop nope oh ice cream nope five four three two one chewing gum an ice pop would have been the same what it's at least six inches long goes in your mouth and is more fun when it vibrates Tuesday you got one right there you go okay I'm gonna go I'm gonna ask two more okay what do you no that's a dead one what goes in dry and hard but comes out wet and soft poo poo say poo poo I don't know comes out hard no no sponge no yeah you're
(44:30) in sponges what goes in dry and hard but comes out wet and soft comes up five four your mom yeah I don't know four three two one pasta oh [ __ ] pasta you know what I'm saying comment how many you got right on this video I know half of one yeah you said electric toothbrush I'm annoyed that we failed with that soda water I wanted someone to blow up do you reckon it was meant to be soda or fizzy normal drink no apparently it's [ __ ] soda Doogie well I mean don't get me wrong it
(45:15) was horrible damn you know that yeah you know I reckon we should have done we all [ __ ] stand on our heads put it in our ass whole thing in our ass what just said [ __ ] ass chug but yeah because we've got bubbles in our booty can anyone else feel their stomach bubbling or is it just nice you might blow up if you blow up look at the views nah because you're allowed to drink that one views you've got to mix it with what [ __ ] something otherwise you blow up yeah whatever okay I've got a question okay I'm saying I'm not asked once again would you rather
(45:46) the night before your birthday every year you snap both your ankles yes or forever have dog [ __ ] sat on the back of every tooth but you can brush that off no no it's there forever oh so you've got halitosis breath yeah so that or you break both your ankles break both your arms before your birthday every year yeah every single year the night before your birthday you snap above your ankles yeah 100 that's crazy I don't know what I do but that's crazy how so straight to the point you're like that 100 because [ __ ] behind your mouth is like it's ranked yeah
(46:30) but then you think like you're just [ __ ] no because have someone having bad breath right you must have experienced it before when someone has been speaking to you and they're both [ __ ] stings and all I want to do is literally [ __ ] puke in my mouth so imagine having [ __ ] in your back teeth but it's like yeah say bye to your [ __ ] every night before bed you ankles you don't know when they're gonna snap they both just snap yeah cause I just crawl on my [ __ ] knees no I'm talking like I'm talking it's like [ __ ] nose I don't know how this could be
(47:00) ones where like you fall downstairs you snap it but every stairs you go down it snaps the other way bang bang so it could be like a year right you're adding stuff now and how my brain works I'm just like [ __ ] no I just get high as [ __ ] and then I'll just let them snap and I don't know I'll just cut them off and just have little stubs think about the taste you have in your mouth constantly if you have dogs get used to it though everybody else but then you know what meals to mix it so it tastes nice what like dog food yeah like yeah yeah [ __ ]
(47:34) God knows like some girls might have fat nah you reckon nah [ __ ] that be fair you know when you Smackdown in dog [ __ ] take your shoe off and like lick it it tastes horrible never done that to like you've never done that no to like [ __ ] if you've got a block nose or something and you've got like yeah I mean I've tried to stick if you've got garlic I've sucked garlic up my nose but you and your [ __ ] sponges oh I love sponge we should do the garlic thing next week it hurts yeah we
(47:59) should have garlic up our nose with it and they're holding next pod and watch all the snacks I did it when I had a cold and I'm not joking you it burned the [ __ ] rings of my nose it was so sore but it did actually unblock have we done it for a video didn't we well I did it because I was Ill but you have done it for a video yeah literally oh you went in it no no the snot out yeah you did it yeah I didn't that's crazy but it [ __ ] hurts it's horrible do you know what else horrible [ __ ]
(48:26) hate it do you know like you're eating some food okay and you know you're choking like not choke a bit like you don't want to make it obvious it's gone down like the wrong way and you you actually know you're choking but you're sitting there you're trying to like not [ __ ] [ __ ] yourself yeah but you're also trying to unchoke yourself yeah have you ever been in that situation I've done that with spaghetti when like you know some of it's gone down and the other part of it hasn't
(48:50) and you're there going yeah all right trying to get it up but then at the same time you're like do I just [ __ ] try and swallow it I've done that and like panics but like panicked in my head and then after I've like kind of come around and sorted out I'm like looking around like did anyone and you feel like you're sweating you're like do you know I didn't want bacon fat oh my God I swear to you I had to put my things like right down and grab it and pulled it out it was a big bit
(49:15) of Faking fat and I'm telling you now [ __ ] me do you eat bacon fat to this day yeah still because like it's not a sense Bacon fat but you actually chew it yeah but now just just like I think it was just like unlucky that like Angela else gets my throat do you know when you eat celery oh like the same stuff that comes out your vagina and stringy [ __ ] it's like that you know what I'm saying it's like that it's just that's me you choke on that as well have you ever choked on
(49:39) that yeah because I can reach my [ __ ] see look I'm saying females eh what I vocal rib just to be able to get fine what's your force on the don't know where I'd come do you like everyone you say it's a bad word I feel like we don't even say it in real life but we say all the time on the pod we rarely say [ __ ] in real life but like now we like for sometimes it just gets slime and I feel like there's Australian people watching I feel like when they hear us
(50:06) say [ __ ] they're like yes do they like it I always say it because they like over there if they'll call you are you sitcom bruh sitcom bruh that's like a comment you're a sick oh so you can't in their language yeah you're a sitcom bruh what's the Australian accent good day mate are you okay you're a [ __ ] sit [ __ ] bro get a [ __ ] sitcom mate let's see your Australian accent oh come on no let's hear it no good day mate you can say it sounded training Evan's gonna sound scouse I reckon let's hear it
(50:47) um Bobby I can't good day good day mate let's have a little conversation in Australian bloody [ __ ] you enjoying the [ __ ] pod mate I can't I actually don't know when you need to do so but you actually can't I mean like you know you [ __ ] need to do something mate but you can't your lips are like this no he's gone let's see yours say something so I can just hear it [ __ ] does your [ __ ] [ __ ] smell like fish mate [ __ ] Sheila [ __ ] she is always it's either your shrimp on the body but hey mate
(51:44) but yeah [ __ ] I don't I [ __ ] love Australian people oh [ __ ] yeah go to Australia but you know what's crazy like as mad as it sounds I think when you think Australia is one of the latest places yeah one of the coolest places on the [ __ ] planet yeah I'd like to go there but you know I feel like someone because like as mad it sounds they're so far away from everybody they feel like they're like they're behind tables but they do you know when you live somewhere you don't appreciate it yeah I feel like they don't appreciate as much as
(52:08) they should like Australia it's just like [ __ ] cool place isn't it yeah people say that about Jersey though yeah yeah you don't appreciate it when Jackson came here he said he [ __ ] loves it reminds me of his hometown oh yeah he did because he's from something like where's he from I don't even know but like he said it was like reminds me of his hometown really so be weak now we're gonna do a new segment called what can you say in bed that you can say and each week's gonna be something different okay what can you say in bed that you can say at a funeral
(52:42) I'm trying to think of a lit one like lit one [ __ ] what can you say in bed this is hard [ __ ] off Alex so Alex behind the camera and he just said what did you say I'm gonna kill that [ __ ] so that was Alex's what else I'm trying to be a lit one what can you say the fact that I pre-prepared these segments I should think of something I didn't um I just thought I'd be on the spot I'm trying to like think of like a funeral scenario yes um like picturing in my head [ __ ] um [ __ ] oh my God this one's
(53:24) this is hard yeah it's hard because the funeral is quite uh I'm trying to think serious thing oh okay um why is this a good one no no no no I'm gonna oh [ __ ] it's hard this one [ __ ] this is hard what can you say uh uh are you stiff yet are you stiff yet oh why is this [ __ ] so cold yeah no I'm saying [ __ ] why is this [ __ ] it I can't the only thing I can think of is this is probably [ __ ] but I'm getting it that's a good one I'm gonna [ __ ] you to the ground ah let me let me bury myself
(54:19) in you let me yeah let me let's go but what about a girlfriend why is he not breathing well because you choked them to death oh you [ __ ] him so hard his [ __ ] heart stopped why is this this is harder than this is harder common things you can say at the [ __ ] in bed and you can say at a funeral oh yeah yes Alex you need a mic for this one eh Alex said let me dig that [ __ ] up that is hard let me I'm gonna [ __ ] stop guessing now because mine is [ __ ] yeah that's a hard one
(54:57) that's a very [ __ ] hard one you know that was hard this [ __ ] don't do it mate you're a changed man I didn't say that I was gonna just say this [ __ ] dirty monkey yeah I'm not I'm not [ __ ] I'm away from that now you know what I'm saying I've told myself every pod how mad every pod I've said literally I'm not going to talk about wanking dicks well you can talk about the [ __ ] PO box that I sent oh which has been set up for like two weeks so yo we've set up a PO
(55:28) Box we're gonna put it in the description if you want to send us something it could be anything you can send your [ __ ] [ __ ] in a box we'll open it so Center send stuff to us we'll open on the Pod and just see what the crack is you know what I'm saying also if you don't subscribe to this podcast bad luck forever and one more thing every week I've got loads of spreading rumor hoodies every week comment on this pod your favorite part and you want a hoodie and I'm gonna give away one
(55:56) hoodie every week for free it doesn't sound much but you know what I'm saying [ __ ] who doesn't like a freebie right yeah I'm saying a mum's gonna [ __ ] on it one's going to be commenting it's gonna say Giselle Hamby absolutely well give me those hoodies I'm good though no one farted does it actually work as well yeah it does it like fire goes that's crazy because it's like methane gas isn't it comes out your ass that's [ __ ] nuts no that's crazy dude what
(56:36) else is crazy this [ __ ] [ __ ] pod and the fact is over I'm [ __ ] done I need to go eat I'm starving I'm I'm still light-headed for the last 20 minutes [ __ ] off have I look have I been weird or being that normal no you seem fine I feel like I've been well with like 20 minutes I've been just like zoned out no I think I'm just like very like depleted all I know is I need to piss for the last [ __ ] half an hour what would you do if you woke up here and you're Fanny had teeth in it like big [ __ ] dribbly teeth you've gone
(57:05) for a you've gone for a piss you look down and it's just got like 40 [ __ ] all fangs [ __ ] juice I'd get it I'd get a designer and teeth I get surgery yeah could get teeth whitening we don't keep it instead of men that you hate um yeah I said I can't come [ __ ] this [ __ ] but you have to do it blindfold as soon as it goes in he bites your dick off and that's where I appear with my head and then that's when you appear to go munching all the dicks barking now I need to go
(57:38) eat some food man I feel like I'm about to pull us out of me [ __ ] drop a comment what you think of Emma on the party you know what I'm saying do you know how many comments do you see all the comments I get messages all the time saying where are you where are you do you see on Facebook videos as well yeah yeah [ __ ] time so yeah you've finally seen Emma she is still here she's still here I'm still Johnny's wife yeah yeah the amount of people have replied to if you see on Facebook
(58:05) yeah they got married yeah yeah I'm saying so yo drop a like drop a comment I didn't do any alcohol that pod I'm proud of myself yeah that's the first one we've done in what three weeks I'm proud of myself but Jazzy had to do one yeah well I [ __ ] gave you a present you picked that one no she didn't pick it oh you [ __ ] right I've ordered and you set her up taxes up her [ __ ] ass will you and Johnny get up to eh Johnny lights things off his ass does Johnny like [ __ ] up his ass yeah no no come on no
(58:40) he doesn't he doesn't does Johnny like to have his eyes we just had a bad experience one's well let him tell you oh he already has oh what was it when she's talking about look up his ass and he thought he's gonna bump no it wasn't a butt plug it was like a thing on a stick and it literally was like an egg into a brand of his arms and it got stuck up his ass really just wanted to pass out no yeah and he he literally was running around holding his bum with this thing off his phone
(59:07) Johnny is a [ __ ] naughty bastard do you love this is the question we asked that last week eh do you love it up the ass no I don't get it I feel like that place is just for toilet roll no do you know why I'm not stopping this pod now because I remember Natalie needs a piss so I'm prolonging it it's all right because I'll just do what Emma did and I'll piss in a nappy oh my God I was on holiday and I needed a week so bad and I just couldn't hold it anymore so
(59:35) I got Harrison's nappy I was in in a gym was he wearing it no no oh okay I was in a shopping center got the nappy put it in my pants started weeing and obviously my Wii couldn't hold as much as his and it started dripping down my legs I'm just pissing on myself anyway I just stood there and I was like we need to go because I've been saying for weeks and I want to piss my pants in the Pod but they keep stopping me so maybe next week comment if we should wear nappies that way we can piss and [ __ ] oh [ __ ] that'd be minging and at
(1:00:05) the end we've all got to take it off and like eat [ __ ] whatever's in there just shove it in the next person's face down the line or everyone gets a present whoever picks out the [ __ ] nappy they go eat everyone's [ __ ] but then you've got to [ __ ] that out and then whatever [ __ ] you [ __ ] out now I need to go my mind's going crazy stop yo drop it like drop a comment subscribe to the world's [ __ ] shittest podcast and this podcast is shy foreign [Music]
